Jesus delivers specialist from dark thoughts

K is a Christian who has been a believer for about 20 years that secretly struggled with dark disturbing thoughts. During prayer, the Holy Spirit revealed the origins as being the abortion that her mother had done before she was conceived in the womb. The Lord freed her as she humbled herself before Him in prayer. Praise God!

(简体中文 > 耶稣拯救专家从黑暗思想中走出来 | 繁體中文 > 耶穌拯救專家從黑暗思想中走出來)

I have been a Christian for a long time since I first entered middle school, believing that God has called me to be His own. 

I know I am fully loved by Him. Yet, there are moments when I feel distance from God. Despite trusting in His love, I sometimes find myself feeling alone and searching for something unknown.

For a long time, I defined my childhood as “unhappy”. I grew up in a large family, surrounded by cousins close to me in age. We laughed and cried together, creating bonds that should be cherished. However, I often fixated on the sad moments and arguments, making the joyful memories captured in photos feel unreal. I tended toward sadness, always cried alone in my bed when I was little, and felt unloved and lacked a sense of belonging in my family. 

I started to see myself as a sad and negative person, accepting that perhaps God made me this way.

Then I joined the “Love the Lord” course and began to understand God more deeply. I realised that His plans for me are good: “I am fearfully and wonderfully made,” and “His plans are to prosper me, not to harm me; plans to give me hope and a future.” This revelation led me to question whether I had enough faith in Him, believing my struggles were due to a lack of strength. While other Christians seemed to find “love, joy, peace, and blessing” in Him, I felt trapped in a cycle of darkness.

This darkness manifested in disturbing images and thoughts later on. I would imagine accidents happening to me or my loved ones. News of tragedy deeply affected me, making me question my faith. 

On the outside, I appeared calm and stable. Inside, my mind was in a storm. 

By God’s grace, I began to understand the importance of holding tightly to Him. I learned to capture my thoughts and bring any ungodly ideas to the Lord, asking for His help and forgiveness. Although I felt more in control as I navigated these challenges, the intrusive disturbing thoughts continued to frustrate me.

Recently, I was led by the Holy Spirit to attend a prayer meeting for the city I live in. Before the meeting, I was encouraged to have a personal prayer session to prepare myself. Doubts crept in, making me question my qualifications and faithfulness to pray for others. Yet, this was God’s plan to free me from my burdens and deliver me from what I did not need to carry.

During the prayer session, a sister in Christ saw a dark cloud surrounding me. 

I was prompted to reflect on whether my mother had ever experienced a miscarriage or abortion. Initially, I thought she hadn’t, but the Holy Spirit reminded me that she has once spoken of having an abortion before I was born due to difficult circumstances. I recalled that I had thought it would be wonderful to have another older brother to take care of me and protect me. 

Through prayer, God revealed that a spirit of death had attached to my mother’s womb after the abortion and before I was conceived. This spirit has been influencing my emotions, feelings, and thoughts since infancy!

I was led to pray and forgive my mother for the abortion.

On her behalf, I confessed and repented to the Lord, praying for forgiveness and cleansing from the blood that has been crying from her womb. Once the spirit was identified, it was cast out in the powerful name of Jesus.

The Lord said, “What have you done? Listen! Your brother’s blood cries out to me from the ground. (Genesis 4:10 NIV)

I felt as if a dark fog was lifted, allowing light to break through during my prayer. I realised that God has always been near. From the moment I was born, Jesus walked with me daily, patiently waiting for me to deepen my relationship with Him. It wasn’t until I was willing to let go and fully trust in Him that I experienced His saving grace.

After the prayer, I felt a physical lightness and the horrific, disturbing thoughts cleared away. 

I praise God for His almighty power to save me from darkness and for His everlasting love. Amen!

“Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and he saved them from their distress. He brought them out of darkness, the utter darkness, and broke away their chains. Let them give thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for mankind,” (Psalms 107:13-15 NIV)