Overcoming our hidden fear of abandonment

After hanging on the cross for hours in excruciating pain, Jesus cried out to God the Father, “Why have You forsaken Me?” In doing so, He identified with the pain we have each felt each time other people have abandoned us. Thankfully, God will never abandon us. It is people who do. All of us have a fear of being abandoned or left behind to some degree. This fear can become spiritually crippling if it is not crucified to the cross.

(See Chinese versions: 简体中文 > 克服被遗弃的恐惧 | 繁體中文 > 克服被遺棄的恐懼)

 

Matthew 22:36-40 NIV  “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” 

Galatians 5:24 ESV  And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.

1 John 4:18 ESV  There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.

The fear of abandonment is a self-fulfilling curse

When we subconsciously worry that people will leave, we can struggle to let anyone into our hearts because we will pre-emptively protect ourselves from being disappointed, upset, and hurt. For some, even ordinary partings can bring on anxiety or sadness. As a consequence, we withhold love because of our fears. We calculate what we receive compared to what we give in our relationships. We don’t open up to people but will “test” them to see if they will go an extra mile for us.

Unfortunately, such unhealthy self-protective mechanisms only drive further dis-connection rather than intimacy. We send off signals that only push people away. As people eventually withdraw from us, our fears are reinforced and perpetuated. Those of us who are highly sensitive may also over-react when we encounter people’s healthy and natural boundaries. We can take it personally and become upset, bitter, or vengeful.

Our fear of abandonment becomes a self-fulfilling curse. We end up fearing the very thing we crave; which is a deep connection with others.

Abandoning others	We give up on relationships first in order to avoid being abandoned.
Antagonism	We despise and even hate others whom we feel may let us down.
Arrogance	We harden our hearts and convince ourselves that “we don’t need people.”
Closing off	We expect or demand that people earn the right to grow closer to us.
Co-dependency	We cling on to others and become emotionally reliant on them.
Hyper-sensitivity	We tend to react strongly to even minor slights and assume the worst of people.
Judgmental	We make it a habit to analyse and judge people’s motives and characters as a means to assume the worst of them, rather than use this discernment as a basis for prayer, love, and uplifting counsel.
Isolation	We avoid relationships.
Manipulation	We try to manipulate others and keep them from leaving us.
Perfectionism	We try to control whatever we can to the best of our abilities so no one can tell us we have fallen short and reject us.
Performance	We are driven to prove we are worthy of others’ love and respect, and never feel secure because we never know when we have done enough.
People pleasing	We try to win others’ approval by making them happy.
Self-abandonment	We will do anything to avoid rejection at the expense of our identity and needs.
Transitory	We go through relationships at a rapid pace and keep them short enough so we avoid being abandoned.

The fear of abandonment starts in childhood

The fear of abandonment typically develops as a result of negative childhood experiences, where we felt we had no one to go to for comfort and reassurance. Alternatively, we may have been dismissed when we tried to ask for help or express our needs. Without the necessary tender loving guidance and reassurances from parents and guardians, little ones will be left feeling worried, stressed, and alone.

This fear of abandonment can even develop in infancy, when premature or critically ill babies are left alone in cold clinical environments for weeks without the warm embrace and soothing voice of their mothers, which they have become deeply connected to during the first nine months of their lives inside their mothers’ wombs.

Feeling emotionally neglected can be just as painful as being physically abandoned. Sometimes, emotional abandonment can feel even more cutting, because we are made to feel that we are not worthy of even a small amount of time or effort of those physically around us. Acknowledging this can lead to conflicted feelings because we don’t want to appear to be unappreciative of what our parents have done for us materially. Yet inside, we feel deeply unsatisfied and disconnected.

Not all emotional abandonment is intentional. Most times, it is circumstantial. Our guardians may have been unaware, unprepared, negligent, depressed, sick, stressed, grieving, and so forth. Nonetheless, it can result in what some call an “orphan spirit” in children.

1. Parental neglect

1. One parent died or left all of a sudden, leaving us feeling abandoned and anxious that other loved ones may leave us too.
2. One or both parents were away for long periods for reasons that we could not understand.
3. Our parents left us in foster care or boarding schools at too early an age.
4. We were accidentally left behind e.g. in a car, in a mall etc. and did not receive appropriate consoling and reassurances afterwards.
5. Our guardians dismissed our genuine fears, leaving us to sort out our confusing childhood emotions all on our own.
6. We are left to grow up and learn many things on our own, with no help, correction, or guidance.

Proverbs 22:6 ESV  Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.

A special mention: The pursuit of prosperity in Asia often comes at the cost of children’s emotional well being In Asia, the pursuit of material wealth often ranks as a top family value. Parents spend long hours away at work, leaving their children in the care of extended family members, domestic helpers, or perhaps even alone at home. Children naturally long for their parents’ affections but are usually told that their parents are busy working “for their own good,” leaving them feeling conflicted and forced to suppress their legitimate desire for emotional connection with their parents. When mum and dad do spend time at home, they are often too exhausted, distracted, irritable and may even be even abusive. Many Asian children suffer silently with the uncomfortable sense of being cast aside by their parents in favour of other things. Time, care, and affection are crucial affirmations of a children’s self-worth, because none of these can be purchased with money. Children are a priceless gift from God and this message also needs to be reinforced at home. Psalm 127:3-5 ESV  Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward.

2. Abuse, trauma, or crisis

1. A health crisis or marriage crisis at home left us feeling emotionally unsafe and unprotected, afraid that we may lose our parents too.
2. Our parents constantly threatened to separate, thereby traumatising and creating deep fear in us.
3. Physical, verbal or sexual abuse on us that left us feeling unprotected and left to suffer on our own.
4. We suffered from childhood bullying, betrayal, and rejection by peers, without proper supervision or intervention by adults.
5. Our parent/s constantly threatened to abandon us.
6. Our family went through bankruptcy or extreme hardship, giving us a sense that good things don’t last.

Colossians 3:21 NIV  Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.

3. Unsettling changes

1. We experienced constant moving and farewells, leading to the fear that any bonds we form will eventually be broken.
2. We went from being the most favoured child to less favoured with the arrival of a new family member.
3. Our parents did not help us adjust to having new siblings.

Such experiences can leave us feeling:

• Anxious and sensitive to possible signs of abandonment
• Alone, left behind, unimportant
• Angry and frustrated that we have been unfairly treated
• Insecure and jealous, constantly comparing ourselves with others and wishing we had what they had
• Unworthy and struggling with low self-esteem

 Ephesians 6:4 ESV  Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

God’s Word addresses childhood abandonment

In His great compassion and love for us, God personally addresses those of us who have felt abandoned emotionally or physically as children.

God reminds us that:

• Because He loves us, God gives us the privilege to be called His children, we no longer have to be under the stewardship of human parents | 1 John 3:1 ESV See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are…
• He personally gives us a new identity and birth through His Spirit | John 1:9,12-13 ESV But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God, who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God.
• Even if our parents had once abandoned us, He will hold us close | Psalm 27:10 NLT Even if my father and mother abandon me, the LORD will hold me close.
• God never forgets us, nor will He neglect our needs | Isaiah 49:15 ESV “Can a woman forget her nursing child, that she should have no compassion on the son of her womb? Even these may forget, yet I will not forget you.
• God comforts us through His Spirit when we humble ourselves before Him | 2 Corinthians 1:3 ESV Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort,
• God is faithful and steadfast in His love towards us | Lamentations 3:22-23 ESV  The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

In fact, God loves us so much that He allowed Jesus to carry the penalty for our sins on our behalf on the cross. Jesus felt the indescribable chasm that sin creates between God the Father and mankind as He cried out from the cross, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” From this, we know that Jesus experienced abandonment and loneliness firsthand.

Romans 5:8 ESV  but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. 

Matthew 27:46 ESV  And about the ninth hour Jesus cried out with a loud voice, saying, “Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?” that is, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”

Jesus was also utterly abandoned by every single one of His disciples during His darkest hour. Yet, the very night before they abandoned Jesus, He humbly stooped before them and washed their feet, knowing full well what they would desert Him. Jesus did this to leave us an example, that we should extend God’s grace to those who abandon and desert us. The question is, are we willing to follow Jesus?

Matthew 26:56 ESV  … Then all the disciples left him and fled.

John 13:13-16 ESV  You call me Teacher and Lord, and you are right, for so I am. If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. For I have given you an example, that you also should do just as I have done to you. Truly, truly, I say to you, a servant is not greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him.

The deadly impact of our fear on our relationship with God

We often assume that it is our pride that prevents us from humbling ourselves before God. That can be true, but we are also shown in 1 Peter 5:6-8 that our worries and cares can have the same effect. Our fear of abandonment can lead us to fixate on how we feel or how other people feel about us – and neglect God.

The person who struggles with fears of abandonment may struggle to believe that our Father will give us our heart’s desires. Our hearts start to fill with doubt and unbelief. When we take our eyes off God’s perfect love, we give room to our “great enemy,” the devil, to fill our minds with destructive lies.

1 Peter 5:6-8 NLT  So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and at the right time he will lift you up in honor. Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you. Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour.

For instance, the truth is “I once felt alone.” The enemy will then insert lies such as “I always feel alone” and “it feels like there must be something wrong with me” … which then morph into “I will always be alone” and “there is something wrong with me” … and finally darkens further to become “no one will truly love me (not even God).” Our view of the world begins to grow darker and darker until our hearts submit to sorrow, self-pity, depression, and hopelessness.

If left unresolved, hurt feelings can blind us. Our anxious thoughts and feelings feel true because they are based on real experiences where we did feel alone, unloved, or left behind as a result of sin and brokenness. But we have to bear in mind that while our past experiences were true, the enemy has also twisted those unhealed wounds into lies that blind our hearts from trusting in God’s presence, goodness, and protection.

God tells us that we can cast our anxieties on Him and that He will heal us if we ask. When we are in pain, we see only that pain and let that pain to guide our journey. But God wants to walk with us if only we will allow Him to come in and do so.

John 8:31-32 ESV  So Jesus said … “If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”. 

Psalm 55:22 ESV  Cast your burden on the LORD, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved.

Here are some other lies from the devil that we need to beware of:

• “Why am I always alone? Maybe God is not here too.” | Joshua 1:9 ESV … do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.”
• “No one truly loves me, they just want to use me. Maybe God only wants me to do things for Him. He doesn’t really love me, He just needs my help.” | Hosea 11:4 NIV  I led them with cords of human kindness, with ties of love. To them I was like one who lifts a little child to the cheek, and I bent down to feed them.
• “People will always leave me at the end. God will also leave me at the end.” | Deuteronomy 31:6 ESV Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.”

As we can see from scripture, all these lies are absolutely untrue for followers of Jesus Christ. They may only feel true because they are built on the subconscious fear that underlies our thoughts.

The deadly impact of our fear on our relationships with people

Such thought patterns are also detrimental to our relationships with fellow human beings.

Proverbs 4:23 GNT  Be careful how you think; your life is shaped by your thoughts.

1. We are tempted to hang on to unhealthy relationships because we fear being left alone or that the other person will be upset

“God, I know this relationship isn’t pleasing to You, but I don’t want to walk away, because I know what it feels like to be let down and rejected. (I fear that person’s reaction more than I fear You.)”

Sometimes, our fear of abandonment can lead us to cling to people with whom the Bible warns us not to be associated. We are called to love our enemies and fellow believers, but even then, our first loyalty is to Jesus Christ. Those who struggle with abandonment often need help developing healthy boundaries with others. But if we call on God and remain in godly community with other believers, He will give us the wisdom to know the best way to love others while learning to draw godly boundaries with people.

Also, see Helping emotionally draining people.

1 Corinthians 5:11 ESV  But now I am writing to you not to associate with anyone who bears the name of brother if he is guilty of sexual immorality or greed, or is an idolater, reviler, drunkard, or swindler—not even to eat with such a one.

Romans 16:17-18 ESV  I appeal to you, brothers, to watch out for those who cause divisions and create obstacles contrary to the doctrine that you have been taught; avoid them. For such persons do not serve our Lord Christ, but their own appetites, and by smooth talk and flattery they deceive the hearts of the naive.

2. We have unrealistic expectations that result in judgments when people inevitably fail us

“Christians are supposed to be loving. But these people are not loving me in the way that I expect them too. They are such bad examples. (Instead of extending grace to them, I will judge and condemn them.)”

Because we have been so hurt by our past experiences of rejection, we may set unrealistically high expectations for ourselves and consequently, for others too.

When others reject us for our innocent mistakes, we may learn to see all mistakes as unacceptable too. This broken way of thinking eventually becomes “normal” to us and can lead us to judge others harshly and unfairly.

The Bible considers our judgments of others as sin. Judgment is serious in God’s eyes because it creates a distance between God and us, and between those we judge and us. Consequently, our loneliness is compounded. This is why we need to address the fear of abandonment in our lives.

Ephesians 4:2 NLT  Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love. 

James 4:11-12 NLT  Don’t speak evil against each other, dear brothers and sisters. If you criticize and judge each other, then you are criticizing and judging God’s law. But your job is to obey the law, not to judge whether it applies to you. God alone, who gave the law, is the Judge. He alone has the power to save or to destroy. So what right do you have to judge your neighbor?

3. We use ungodly coping mechanisms to manage our relationships

“I need to alleviate this anxiety I have. I will do something to make myself feel better now. (I don’t realise that what I am really doing is catering to my flesh, rather than submitting to God’s Spirit and allowing Him to work all things out for my good. I use my broken ways to fix my situation and end up displeasing God. God who created us and redeemed us cares about us, and what we worry about. He wants to help us if only we will let Him. The enemy wants us to believe that God wants to take away the things that make us happy. But that is not true. Over and over again, God’s Word asks us to trust Him, and not ourselves. He will provide for us.”

Romans 8:5-8 NLT  Those who are dominated by the sinful nature think about sinful things, but those who are controlled by the Holy Spirit think about things that please the Spirit. So letting your sinful nature control your mind leads to death. But letting the Spirit control your mind leads to life and peace. For the sinful nature is always hostile to God. It never did obey God’s laws, and it never will. That’s why those who are still under the control of their sinful nature can never please God.

Ungodly coping mechanisms can actually look like good things. For example, independence is a desirable trait, and children are meant to grow up to be independent adults. But those who have felt abandoned in the past may adopt a form of independence that rejects healthy and good connections to others.

Here are some other examples of ungodly coping mechanisms.

Independence	“I must take care of myself. I can’t turn to anyone.” “I cannot depend on others.” “I cannot be vulnerable.” TRUTH: Godly independence means taking responsibility for one’s actions and emotions, but we also need to recognize that we cannot live without God and others. We need God to rule our lives and obey His words because He is the only One who knows the future. Those who are afraid that God will abandon them may struggle to believe that He will guide them through the storms and trials of life. However, we can only truly experience God’s provision if we actually let Him take the reins. This will feel terrifying, but we can only be set free from our fears by actually giving them up to God. As difficult as this is, we must try because to fail to do so is “as bad as worshipping idols.” 1 Samuel 15:23 NLT  Rebellion is as sinful as witchcraft, and stubbornness as bad as worshiping idols. So because you have rejected the command of the LORD, he has rejected you …
Pride	“I will prove that I am worthy of their attention, respect, and love.” “I am better than them anyway. Who needs them?” TRUTH: The world tells us that we should be “proud” and “confident,” and that these are traits that belong to “leaders.” Jesus, on the other hand, is gentle and humble. In fact, He opposes the proud because pride is a fortress that raises some above others, thus leading again to disconnection. Jesus himself built no walls or barriers. We need to repent of our pride so that we can be transformed to be more like our Lord and Saviour. God calls pride “evil”. It is opposite to His nature and is something that He hates. Proverbs 8:13 ESV  The fear of the Lord is hatred of evil. Pride and arrogance and the way of evil and perverted speech I hate. Matthew 11:29 ESV  Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
Mistrust	“I can’t trust others.” “People will always disappoint me. Look, here they go again. I knew it!” “People need to prove that they are trustworthy and not going to hurt me” TRUTH: It is true that people will fail us at some point. But we were never called to place our faith in people. God’s Word shows us that it is “better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in people.” When our faith is built on a solid foundation, that is, when we have experienced truly trusting God, the feelings of disappointment and grief will no longer feel overwhelming. Psalm 118:5-8 ESV  Out of my distress I called on the Lord; the Lord answered me and set me free. The Lord is on my side; I will not fear. What can man do to me? The Lord is on my side as my helper; I shall look in triumph on those who hate me. It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man.
Love paralysis	“I will love others only after I am confident they will love me back and not leave me.” “I will plan out the worst case scenarios and do something to prevent them from happening to me.” “I will avoid people. I won’t let anyone get too close to me.” TRUTH: Everyone has a fear of being left out or abandoned to some degree. Unless we step up to obey God’s Word and choose to love in spite of the possibility of being abandoned, all of us will be stuck in cycles of self-fulfilling curses. Love is a choice. It does not depend on how people react to us. It is when we choose to love in spite of how people treat us, that we demonstrate we truly follow Jesus’ example. What’s more, we can also then start to be a source of healing for the anxieties of other people, because we will not abandon them. Matthew 6:33-34 NIV  But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
People pleasing	“I will agree with other people at all cost, so they will like me.” “I will cater to their feelings to keep myself safe. “I won’t talk about what I truly feel or need.” TRUTH: When we prioritise pleasing people instead of asking God what He would like instead, we fall into a form of idolatry. The most important relationship is our relationship with God, our true Father. Even the best of our earthly relationships will not exist in its current form once we get to heaven. Judges 2:12 ESV  And they abandoned the Lord, the God of their fathers… Romans 8:38-39 ESV  For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

4. We subconsciously curse our own marriages

“People have left me in the past. So my marriage may not last either. (I forget that God will protect and nurture my marriage if I submit to Him first.)”

The next closest relationship after the one with our parents is with our partners-for-life. God made marriage to be a reflection of Jesus’ love for the church body, a restored picture of His perfect love where husbands love their wives and wives respect their husbands.

Ephesians 5:25-33 ESV  Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

The fear of abandonment, however, can ruin this picture. It can lead people to think quickly of divorce when times are difficult, draw up pre-nuptial agreements, constantly fear that our spouses are being unfaithful, or become emotionally insecure, clingy or aggressive. To cope, we distant ourselves emotionally from our spouses in order to protect ourselves from disappointments, and draw further and further apart. It can even tempt some to become sexually promiscuous because of the self-cursing thought that no relationship will last forever anyway. By behaving in all these ways, we grieve God. He puts marriages for good. It is often our own fears that lead us to be separate emotionally from our own spouses because of unhealed (and unrelated) emotional pains from the past.

Mark 10:7-9 ESV  ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”

Receiving God’s healing from our fear of abandonment

People who struggle with abandonment need to be patient with ourselves and learn to recognise that some of our underlying hurts are not the truth. We are in danger of projecting our broken experiences with human beings onto our perfect and loving Heavenly Father. We fear that He will neglect or abandon us just like our parents or other guardians have in the past, forgetting that He is the supreme Spirit of love and compassion.

God is always with us, always helping us, always loving us – if only we would make an effort to stop, quiet our hearts, pray and listen to the Holy Spirit. As we experience God’s mercies and guidance even in the midst of trials, we will learn that God is our anchor in the storm.

Psalm 139:7-8,12 NIV  Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there… even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.

Isaiah 41:10 ESV  Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Thank God that we can be fearless and authentic in our prayers with Him. We can tell Him how low we feel and how desperate we are for His salvation, just like King David did as we can see from Psalm 142. Let us begin by humbling ourselves before God and pour out all our disappointments, anxieties and concerns to Him.

Psalm 142 NLT
1 I cry out to the Lord; I plead for the Lord’s mercy.
2 I pour out my complaints before him and tell him all my troubles.
3 When I am overwhelmed, you alone know the way I should turn. Wherever I go, my enemies have set traps for me.
4 I look for someone to come and help me, but no one gives me a passing thought! No one will help me; no one cares a bit what happens to me.
5 Then I pray to you, O Lord. I say, “You are my place of refuge. You are all I really want in life.
6 Hear my cry, for I am very low. Rescue me from my persecutors, for they are too strong for me.
7 Bring me out of prison so I can thank you. The godly will crowd around me, for you are good to me.” 

We can confess that we have had trouble trusting Him fully. We should also ask God for forgiveness because we have made Him out to be unfaithful, unkind, unreliable and untruthful to His promises. This is a description of the human beings who have hurt us, and not our heavenly Father.

Numbers 23:19 ESV  God is not man, that he should lie, or a son of man, that he should change his mind. Has he said, and will he not do it? Or has he spoken, and will he not fulfill it?

Next, we ought to invite the Holy Spirit to search our hearts and remind us of the people who have made us feel abandoned in the past and present time, and forgive them so that God may forgive us. Just as Jesus washed His disciples’ feet, we can ask God if He has a plan for us to show His love and grace to those who have forsaken us, so that we can demonstrate the love of Jesus to them.

Mark 11:25 ESV  And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.”

We should also need to consider repenting for chasing after people’s acceptance and approval over God’s. This is a form of idolatry.

Galatians 1:10 ESV  For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.

John 12:43 ESV  For they loved the glory that comes from man more than the glory that comes from God.

When we bow to God’s will for our lives in this way, we will be delivered from our fears.

Psalm 34:4 ESV  I sought the Lord, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears.

In the parable of the Sower, Jesus made a distinction between those whose lives are fruitful and those whose lives are not. Those who are unfruitful chase after the cares of this world, which include being popular, feeling accepted, and fitting in. May we not fall into that trap. God is perfect, loving, and gracious, and He lovingly promises that we will flourish “a hundredfold” as we trust Him and follow His will. Healing will come in time, and we need to be faithful.

Matthew 13:18,22-23 ESV  “Hear then the parable of the sower: … As for what was sown among thorns, this is the one who hears the word, but the cares of the world and the deceitfulness of riches choke the word, and it proves unfruitful. As for what was sown on good soil, this is the one who hears the word and understands it. He indeed bears fruit and yields, in one case a hundredfold, in another sixty, and in another thirty. 

Psalm 37:3-6 NLT  Trust in the Lord and do good. Then you will live safely in the land and prosper. Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart’s desires. Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust him, and he will help you. He will make your innocence radiate like the dawn, and the justice of your cause will shine like the noonday sun.

Testimony: Recovering reassurance of God’s faithfulness

“During prayer one day, the Holy Spirit showed me how the rejections and comparisons in my upbringing had accumulated and imposed a great fear of rejection, failure, and abandonment on me. My parents had raised me with a distorted kind of love; one which is combined with fear – fear of not going into good schools, fear of losing out, fear of the future. This led me to live a life of seeking approval and compliments from authority figures, such as my father and my boss.

My emotions and worth had been based on how people see me, not how much God loves me. The Holy Spirit also revealed that my fears were based on “I won’t risk rejection or abandonment” and “I will show you I am worthy accepting.” Subconsciously, these two statements ran my life. Satan had a stronghold in my life through a fear of failure, yet it is so comforting to know Jesus will always be here for me. \

I was reminded of 2 Timothy 1:7 and how God “gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self control. As I turn my heart to God, He has continued to reassure me of His undying love and that He will never forsake me. This has given me much comfort and strength.”

May this sharing be a blessing to you as you seek to love God with all your heart and lay down your fear of being abandoned.