12 steps towards freedom from porn

We can all remember the first time we were exposed to sexual content, and it was probably a case of too much too soon – physically, emotionally, and mentally. This is how most people stumble into pornography. Porn corrupts our minds and hearts in ways that God did not intend. In fact, the Bible says that it is no different from committing adultery. Thankfully, when Jesus died on the cross for our sins, He also paid the price for our freedom from porn. Jesus gives anyone who repents and submits their fleshly desires to the Holy Spirit the power to be free from slavery to porn for good.

(See Chinese versions: 简体中文 > 摆脱色情的十二步骤 | 繁體中文 > 擺脫色情的十二步驟)

 

Matthew 5:27-28 ESV  “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

Galatians 5:16-19 ESV But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law. Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality …

As believers, we are to no longer conform to the patterns of this (highly-sexualised) world but are to allow God to transform us through the renewal of our minds. This transformation is made possible through the “washing of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit” so that we may be free from being “slaves to various passions and pleasures.” This transformation, however, first requires that we “present our bodies as living sacrifices, holy and acceptable to God.” That not only includes our physical parts, but our mental parts as well.

Romans 12:1-2 ESV  I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

Titus 3:3-7 ESV  For we ourselves were once foolish, disobedient, led astray, slaves to various passions and pleasures, passing our days in malice and envy, hated by others and hating one another. But when the goodness and loving kindness of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to his own mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that being justified by his grace we might become heirs according to the hope of eternal life.

Transformation is not something that can happen overnight because of the ways our brains have been physically and emotionally re-wired and changed by watching pornography. It calls for us to “work out our own salvation (from porn) with fear and trembling.”

Philippians 2:12 ESV  Therefore, my beloved… work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure.

Sexual corruption often begins early

Research conducted by Teaching Humble Hearts in 2020 showed that most people stumble upon porn too young, either accidentally when rummaging around or they were introduced to it by friends or family. At that point, one’s sexual innocence is literally shattered and unfortunately, cannot to taken back. See research results about the first exposure.

One’s first reaction to porn usually involves a flood of emotions. These range from curiousity, excitement, and arousal regarding the sexualised images, to confusion, shock, guilt, and disgust regarding their illicit nature. It is this tsunami of reactions that ensures that the first few x-rated images we have ever viewed will become permanently engraved in our memories, because of the strong emotions they aroused, until we confess them and seek God’s healing over them.

Curiousity, excitement, and arousal are precisely what God had intended for us to feel within the context of sex with our spouse. Pornography triggers those God-given reactions, in addition to other emotions such as shame and guilt because our own conscience will convict us that viewing such material is wrong.

Romans 2:15 ESV  They show that the work of the law is written on their hearts, while their conscience also bears witness, and their conflicting thoughts accuse or even excuse them

Understanding our compulsions to watch porn

When we view porn, powerful neurochemicals and hormones are released in our brains that cause us to experience a “high” that the brain (wrongly) identifies as a “reward”, similar to what drug addicts or alcoholics go through with their substance abuse. These neurochemicals do not have the ability to distinguish between godly and ungodly stimuli. They simply sent us signals to go back for more stimulation.

The repeated use of porn leads our brains to grow accustomed to the stimuli it has been receiving.  Over time, our brains will seek more “rewards.” This usually involves feeding it with more graphic, more violent, or more perverted materials in order to reach the same “high”.

At the same time, the part of our brains that is responsible for overseeing our morals, ethical decision-making, and willpower literally becomes weaker and weaker because we keep overriding it. This is how we can feel out of control and end up thinking about pornography constantly. We lose our sensitivity to what’s right and what’s wrong and give in to sensual and impure indulgences.

Genesis 6:5 NLT   The Lord observed the extent of human wickedness on the earth, and he saw that everything they thought or imagined was consistently and totally evil.

Ephesians 4:19 NIV  Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, and they are full of greed.

If we do not stay alert and allow our God-given conscience to step in to take control of what happens with our bodies, it is such physical impulses that will lead us down a wide and open road of destruction. As believers, we must “take every thought captive to obey Christ.” Otherwise, our brain chemicals will take over control and ruin us. Also, see the article, Brain Chemicals and Porn Addiction: Science Shows How Porn Harms Us by Covenant Eyes.

Luke 21:36 ESV  But stay awake at all times, praying that you may have strength to escape all these things that are going to take place, and to stand before the Son of Man.”

Matthew 7:13-14 ESV  “Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many. For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few. 

2 Corinthians 10:5 ESV  We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ,

Understanding the purpose of sex

Our knowledge of God’s Word and our understanding of sex will determine if we will exploit sex for personal gratification or not.

Psalm 119:11 ESV  I have stored up your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you.

In the eyes of the world, sex is simply seen as a physical act between two or more consenting partners.

The Bible, on the other hand, shows us that sex seals the marital union between a man and a woman. Powerful “bonding chemicals,” called oxytocin in women and vasopressin in men, are released during sex that super-charge a married couple’s physical, emotional, and mental connection. Every time anyone engages in sex, they are “joined” or “bonded” to the other person. Even today, marriage contracts can be annulled if the unions are not consummated with sex.

Genesis 2:24 ESV  Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

Hebrews 13:4 ESV  Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.

Sex is stimulating and satisfying because God made it this way – to be an exciting, holy, and unifying seal in marriage. This may be hard for us to grasp initially because we live in a world where sex is far from being viewed as sacred. In fact, we are told to use our bodies however we want and that no one has the right to tell us “how to run our lives” – not even God.

God’s Word shows us something quite on the contrary. For believers, our bodies no longer belong to ourselves, because Jesus redeemed our bodies with His own blood. We are to use our bodies for God’s glory – and not for sexual immorality. This includes committing adultery in our hearts by watching pornography.

1 Corinthians 6:20 NLT  for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.

We not only dishonour God by using our bodies to consume pornography, but we also dishonour those we exploit for our personal gratification. The fact is, the sex industry enslaves women and men into prostitution and human trafficking. No human being forfeits their personal dignity if they truly felt that they had a choice. Little wonder God calls the trade in and profit from prostitution detestable. As followers of Jesus, we are to hate such evil and expose “works of darkness”, not actively participate in it.

Psalm 97:10 ESV  O you who love the Lord, hate evil! He preserves the lives of his saints; he delivers them from the hand of the wicked.

Deuteronomy 23:18 NLT   When you are bringing an offering to fulfill a vow, you must not bring to the house of the Lord your God any offering from the earnings of a prostitute, whether a man or a woman, for both are detestable to the Lord your God.

Ephesians 5:11-12 ESV  Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them. For it is shameful even to speak of the things that they do in secret.

Understanding how our hearts deceive us

Many people use porn as a numbing device or a form of escape.

The brain releases bonding chemicals as well as the “feel-good” chemical called dopamine whenever we take part in sex, whether in person or vicariously. Our bodies will literally “feel good” as a result. When it comes to porn, however, this misguided feedback loop can make us view porn as “good” or “necessary” especially when we feel stressed, anxious, angry, restless, hopeless, and so on. Our brains will be predisposed to say, “Yes, I remember what it felt like the last time and it felt good, so let’s get more of it to counter the stress we are feeling.”

Isaiah 5:20 NLT  What sorrow for those who say that evil is good and good is evil, that dark is light and light is dark, that bitter is sweet and sweet is bitter.

Satan will use such occasions to hit us hard with various arguments on why we “need” porn and we may find it hard to resist the devil – unless we know how to destroy those demonic arguments with the Word of God. Here are some examples.

Ephesians 4:27 NIV  and do not give the devil a foothold.

Hiding

• “No one is watching, no one knows.” | The Bible says, Proverbs 15:3 ESV The eyes of the Lord are in every place, keeping watch on the evil and the good.

Justifying

• “I need to relieve my anxieties and stress, nothing else has worked.” | The Bible says, 1 Peter 5:7 NIV Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
• “There is no point resisting, I won’t be able to overcome anyway.” | The Bible says, 1 Corinthians 10:13 ESV No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.
• “Masturbation is a natural physical need. Watching porn helps me masturbate. I feel more peaceful and calmer afterward. I need this for my natural (fleshly) instincts.” | The Bible says, Psalm 119:165 ESV Great peace have those who love your law; nothing can make them stumble.
• “If I watch porn and masturbate, I will be able to fall sleep.” | The Bible says, Psalm 127:2 ESV It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives to his beloved sleep.
• “God is going understand and forgive me. He knows I have sexual needs.” | The Bible says, Hebrews 10:26-29 ESV For if we go on sinning deliberately after receiving the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins, but a fearful expectation of judgment, and a fury of fire that will consume the adversaries.
• “Life is hard, I’ve worked hard. I need to reward my own body.” | The Bible says, 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 ESV Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.
• “I have a high sex drive / it is my hormones. I can’t help it every now and then.” | The Bible says, Proverbs 25:28 ESV A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls.
• “This is the one thing that can make me happy.” | The Bible says, Psalm 16:11 ESV You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.
• “With porn, I can enjoy some intimacy without committing sexual sin.” | The Bible says, Matthew 5:28 ESV But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

Minimising

• “At least I am not being unfaithful to my spouse.” | The Bible says, Matthew 5:28 ESV But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
• “There are no consequences to worry about.” | The Bible says, 1 Corinthians 6:18 ESV Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.
• “It’s okay to just take a look. I can control myself and switch it off.” | The Bible says, Matthew 5:29-30 ESV If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell.

Compartmentalising

• “This is my private life, no one else will get hurt.” | The Bible says, 1 Corinthians 6:18 ESV Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.
• “Pornography won’t affect my walk with God.” | The Bible says, Isaiah 59:2 ESV But your iniquities have made a separation between you and your God, and your sins have hidden his face from you so that he does not hear.
• “I know I should not but I don’t care right now. I will deal with any negative consequences later.” | The Bible says, Hebrews 10:26-29 ESV For if we go on sinning deliberately after receiving the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins, but a fearful expectation of judgment, and a fury of fire that will consume the adversaries.

Understanding the price we pay

Most people watch pornography privately but the truth is, we cannot hide from God’s presence. He is everywhere all the time. Each time we watch or look through some pornography material, God is right by our side too – and He grieves over our sin.

Psalm 139:7 ESV  Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence?

We know that watching pornography is sinful. It is also helpful to know the price we personally pay.

• We corrupt our own bodies | Each time we watch pornography, we sin against our own bodies because we “teach” our bodies to disassociate from real connections as God intended and exchange them for cheap counterfeits. 1 Corinthians 6:18-20 ESV Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.
• We fill our bodies with darkness | When we fill our eyes with perverted versions of God’s design for sex, our whole bodies become full of spiritual darkness. Matthew 6:23 ESV “The eye is the lamp of the body. So, if your eye is healthy, your whole body will be full of light, but if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light in you is darkness, how great is the darkness!
• We defile the temple of the Holy Spirit and grieve Him | Our bodies are the temple of the Holy Spirit and we subject God’s Spirit to lewd sexual acts when we watch porn. Moreover, most people will watch pornography and masturbate at the same time. How much we must grieve the Holy Spirit by desecrating His temple. Ephesians 4:30 ESV And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.
• We make ourselves unclean and unwelcome before God. | Instead of separating ourselves from pornography, we consume it and become spiritually unclean. 2 Corinthians 6:14,17-18 ESV Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? Therefore go out from their midst, and be separate from them, says the Lord, and touch no unclean thing; then I will welcome you, and I will be a father to you, and you shall be sons and daughters to me, says the Lord Almighty.”
• We defile our marriage bed by having visual sex with so many different people besides our spouse l Hebrews 13:4 ESV Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.
• We forfeit our inheritance in the kingdom of God | Most detrimentally, we are told we will not inherit the kingdom of God by committing adultery with our eyes and hearts. 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 ESV Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you.

This is why the apostle Paul “disciplined his body like an athlete, training it to do what it should,” so that he would not be disqualified from his prize of being with God for eternity. If the apostle, who knew God intimately and whose writings comprise a large portion of the New Testament, was so vigilant about his body, then what more the rest of us?

1 Corinthians 9:25,27 NLT  All athletes are disciplined in their training. They do it to win a prize that will fade away, but we do it for an eternal prize. I discipline my body like an athlete, training it to do what it should. Otherwise, I fear that after preaching to others I myself might be disqualified.

1 Corinthians 6:13 ESV  … The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body.

Moreover, studies show that a habit of watching X-rated material can lead to porn-induced erectile dysfunction, emotional disengagement, and a lack of satisfaction from real sex.

Some people believe that once they get married, they won’t need to rely on porn anymore because now, they have a real sex partner but evidence shows just the opposite to be true. When we have “trained” our bodies to get aroused by erotic images, we may find ourselves still needing those same types of images before we can perform normally in our own marriage bed. Our spouse’s body is not going to be stimulating enough and we may want her or him to perform pornographic acts in order to satisfy us. Sadly, this is the curse of pornography that plagues marriages today – Christian or otherwise.

Is watching porn really worth the price we pay?

Turning to the One who can and will help us

Watching pornography can make us feel dirty, defiled, guilty, and ashamed. This, however, should not keep us from asking God for His help.

We can be made right with God, and with our other relationships, when we are willing to humble ourselves before God. The God who created the universe has the power to save us, but we have to make a choice; we either choose pornography or choose God, but we cannot have both.

2 Corinthians 5:20-21,6:1-2 NLT  … We speak for Christ when we plead, “Come back to God!” For God made Christ, who never sinned, to be the offering for our sin, so that we could be made right with God through Christ. As God’s partners, we beg you not to accept this marvelous gift of God’s kindness and then ignore it. For God says, “At just the right time, I heard you. On the day of salvation, I helped you.” Indeed, the “right time” is now. Today is the day of salvation.

Here are some other encouragements from God’s Word.

• “I feel so weak and hopeless.” | God’s Word promises that we do need to be weak in order for His power to work through us. | 2 Corinthians 12:9 ESV But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
• “God will reject me.” | God’s Word tells us that He will not reject anyone who approaches Him with a repentant heart. (Most times, we think God will reject us because we have first rejected ourselves.) Psalm 51:17 NLT The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit. You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God.
• “God will condemn me.” | God’s Word says that He does not intend to condemn us but to save us. John 3:17 ESV For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him.
• “I need to get clean first.” | God’s Word says that He saves us while we are still sinning, not after. Romans 5:8 NLT But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners.
• “I’ve been addicted for too long, there’s no hope.” | God’s Word shows us that nothing is impossible for God for work out for our good. Matthew 19:26 ESV But Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”
• “God won’t want to have anything to do with me, I’m too sinful / dirty.” | God’s Word shows us that He will personally come to “restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish” us if we humbly go to Him. 1 Peter 5:10 ESV And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.

12 practical steps we can take

Salvation from porn will come when we are willing to “throw off our old sinful nature and our former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception and let the Holy Spirit renew our thoughts and attitudes.” The act of “throwing off” is a deliberate decision. Then change can come when we allow the Holy Spirit to work on our thoughts (minds) and attitudes (hearts) so that we can become more and more like Jesus— righteous and holy, free from sin.

Ephesians 4:18-25 NLT  Their minds are full of darkness; they wander far from the life God gives because they have closed their minds and hardened their hearts against him. They have no sense of shame. They live for lustful pleasure and eagerly practice every kind of impurity. But that isn’t what you learned about Christ. Since you have heard about Jesus and have learned the truth that comes from him, throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception. Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. Put on your new nature, created to be like God—truly righteous and holy. So stop telling lies.

1. Confess and seek forgiveness from God and from others

Most people hesitate to confess their pornography usage because of the shame that comes with it. Yet confession is part and parcel of any believer’s life.

1 John 1:8-9 ESV  If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

Our first confession is before God, and the second is before trustworthy people. Confession brings our inner struggles out into the light and breaks the stronghold of shame over our hearts.

We can begin with asking God for His forgiveness for sinning against Him, against our own bodies, and against those who bodies we have exploited for our own sexual titillation.

Then we ought to repent for ever having judged God for tempting us or neglecting us. It is not God who tempts us to look at pornography. It is Satan who does. First, the devil comes to tempt us when we feel weak or are not alert. He will keep drilling down on our minds and hearts with lots of arguments of why it is okay to sin. Then if we do fall and re-offend by turning to porn adultery, Satan will turn around and condemn us.

James 1:13 ESV  Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am being tempted by God,” for God cannot be tempted with evil, and he himself tempts no one.

Neither is it God who shames or condemns us, it is Satan who does. The devil wants to keep us from seeking salvation and will keep accusing us “day and night” so that we hide our sins. Satan will fill us with arguments such as, “I can handle this on my own, I don’t need to talk about this to other people,” “I need to be seen as a good, faultless, or strong person,” “I don’t want to let other people down,” or “what if other people react badly when they find out?” Following such trains of thought will not allow us to prosper. In fact, it only gives Satan the opportunity to continue to shame and push us further down into spiritual darkness.

Revelation 12:10 ESV  And I heard a loud voice in heaven, saying, “Now the salvation and the power and the kingdom of our God and the authority of his Christ have come, for the accuser of our brothers has been thrown down, who accuses them day and night before our God.

Proverbs 28:13 NIV  Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy.

After we have confessed to God and asked for His forgiveness, then we ought to confess to other trusted believers who also practice confession and ask them to pray for us. The same feel-good and bonding neuro-chemicals we experienced through porn are also released when we receive loving acceptance. This experience in itself can be very healing, in addition to joint confession and prayer before God. It is important, therefore, to approach believers who truly obey God and will love other sinners like themselves.

James 5:15-16 ESV  And the prayer of faith will save the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up. And if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven. Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.

Romans 3:23 NLT  For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard.

Our journey into complete recovery is almost never a solo one. We need the loving support of those around us. Moreover, Jesus has told us that when two or more are gathered in His name to love and support one another, He will be amongst us.

Ecclesiastes 4:12 NIV  Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

Matthew 18:20 ESV For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.”

If we are engaged or married, we should certainly confess to our partner or spouse and ask for their support as we seek to recover from our porn habit or addiction. At the same time, we would want to ask for their forgiveness for committing adultery against them in our hearts. Most porn-users find that a part of their hearts is somewhat emotionally disconnected from their own partners or spouses, either as a result of keeping secrets from them or by objectivising their bodies. No spouse wants to compete with strangers for the full-hearted devotion of someone they love.

Proverbs 6:32-33 ESV  He who commits adultery lacks sense; he who does it destroys himself. He will get wounds and dishonor, and his disgrace will not be wiped away.

Hearing our confession of our secret porn habit may be devastating for our partners or spouses and we may need to give them some time and space to seek God for their own healing. They will also need to understand that our use of porn is not a reflection of their failures but rather, of ours.

If we are in leadership positions in Christian communities, we would definitely want to set the right example by confessing and stepping down as we seek biblical counselling and heal. God takes the sin of adultery seriously and so should we. We certainly do not want to be the reason anyone stumbles in their faith. God judges Christian leaders with greater strictness.

James 3:1 ESV  Not many of you should become teachers, my brothers, for you know that we who teach will be judged with greater strictness.

Matthew 18:6 ESV  but whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened around his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea.

2. Be baptised into Jesus’ death and resurrection

The Bible tells us that newness of life comes when we are baptised into Jesus’ death. Perhaps we have gone through baptism in the past without an understanding or faith in this fact in our hearts.

Romans 6:3-6 ESV  Do you not know that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were buried therefore with him by baptism into death, in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life. For if we have been united with him in a death like his, we shall certainly be united with him in a resurrection like his. We know that our old self was crucified with him in order that the body of sin might be brought to nothing, so that we would no longer be enslaved to sin.

Full-water baptism is a burial of our own sin-stained selves and being raised again from spiritual death by the power of the Holy Spirit. It is both a physical and spiritual act. When we follow God’s instructions for baptism and ask to receive the Holy Spirit, we can experience real power for change because we are made new by Him. For some followers of Jesus Christ, this can make a significant difference in our rejection of pornography moving forward.

Acts 8:15-16 NIV  When they arrived, they prayed for the new believers there that they might receive the Holy Spirit, because the Holy Spirit had not yet come on any of them; they had simply been baptized in the name of the Lord Jesus.

Acts 1:8 ESV  But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you, and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the end of the earth.”

Therefore, one can consider getting baptised with the Holy Spirit based on this renewed understanding and faith, even if this means that we get baptised for a second time. For more details, please see Preparing our hearts for baptism.

Acts 1:5 NIV  For John baptized with water, but in a few days you will be baptized with the Holy Spirit.”

3. Sign up for an accountability prayer group

Every human being has the capacity for empathy or, in other words, the ability to recognise, connect with, and vicariously experience another person’s thoughts and feelings, in varying degrees. One reason people turn to porn is to get a sense of shared connection with other human beings, albeit in immoral and sometimes, even perverted ways. Porn taps on an inbuilt desire for empathetic connection that God planted into us so that we connect with Him and others in loving relationships.

Healing from a porn habit is, therefore, best done in fellowships where we experience all of that, preferably with others of the same gender who are on their own journeys of healing and who will be able to fully empathise with our struggles. The ability to pray for, encourage, reprove, and support one another up when someone temporarily falls, is a powerful one. Indeed, the Bible calls us to encourage and motivate one another to good works.

Proverbs 6:23-24 ESV  For the commandment is a lamp and the teaching a light, and the reproofs of discipline are the way of life, to preserve you from the evil woman, from the smooth tongue of the adulteress.

Hebrews 10:24-25 NLT  Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works. And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near. 

4. Confess the first seed of sexual perversion

Any stubborn bad fruit in our lives can often be traced back to our childhood. The longer the roots have been in our brains, the harder they may be to overcome. Perhaps we stumbled upon a parent’s pornography, were molested or sexually abused, watched our parents having sex, and so on. Any of these pre-mature sexualised experiences can be traumatic for a young child. If a loving adult was not on hand to help guide our understanding and emotions, we may be led by our flesh to sexual experimentations or titillations of our own.

Luke 6:43 ESV  “For no good tree bears bad fruit, nor again does a bad tree bear good fruit, for each tree is known by its own fruit.

Any corrupting seed, whether sown unintentionally or intentionally, needs to be confessed. It also means that we need to forgive those who first introduced us to sex too early, repent for following them into sexual sin, and cut ungodly spiritual ties to them in Jesus’ name.

Where there has been sexual assault, we will certainly benefit from loving, biblical counselling in order to give the violated child a voice to confess our buried trauma. Trapped toxic emotions may prevent us from healing from pornography fully because we find we still have some lingering inner anxiety that we have not yet addressed. Also, see Uprooting trapped toxic emotions and their bad fruit.

5. Repent for judging others for their sexual sins

The Bible warns us to be aware of our attitudes. We will reap whatever judgements we have sown about other people, particularly if they are our own parents. We end up condemning ourselves to the same sexual patterns since we are their offspring.

Romans 2:1 ESV  Therefore you have no excuse, O man, every one of you who judges. For in passing judgment on another you condemn yourself, because you, the judge, practice the very same things.

Perhaps they had engaged in extramarital affairs, prostitution, or pornography and sinned against our family. This, however, does not mean we can judge and condemn them because only Jesus has the right to judge them, since He is the only One who has died for their sins.

As long as we don’t repent, we will find ourselves invariably drawn to sexual immorality for reasons that may be unclear to us. When we judge someone for their sins, we indirectly glorify Satan, which then gives the devil a foothold to come against us too. Our minds will not be free from temptations and accusations, until we confess and repent of our own sinful attitudes towards others’ sexual sins. This is a simple but important step towards freedom.

Galatians 6:7 ESV  Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap.

Job 4:8 ESV  As I have seen, those who plow iniquity and sow trouble reap the same.

Hosea 10:13 ESV  You have plowed iniquity; you have reaped injustice; you have eaten the fruit of lies. Because you have trusted in your own way … 

6. Repent of idol worship (our own or our family’s)

The Bible tells us clearly that sexual impurity and debauchery are the result of idol worship in our culture. There may be some “gods,” deities, festivals, witchcraft potions, or charms that overtly represent fertility, seduction, and sexual power, but idol worship that leads to sexual sin is not limited to these alone. Any form of idol worship corrupts our spirits and leaves us susceptible to Satan’s influence. The consequence is a “debased mind that does what ought not to be done.”

Romans 1:22-25,28 ESV  Claiming to be wise, they became fools, and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images resembling mortal man and birds and animals and creeping things. Therefore God gave them up in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, to the dishonoring of their bodies among themselves, because they exchanged the truth about God for a lie and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever! Amen…  And since they did not see fit to acknowledge God, God gave them up to a debased mind to do what ought not to be done.

The sin of idol worship does not just affect one generation, but up to four.

Exodus 20:3-5 NLT  “You must not have any other god but me. “You must not make for yourself an idol of any kind or an image of anything in the heavens or on the earth or in the sea. You must not bow down to them or worship them, for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God who will not tolerate your affection for any other gods. I lay the sins of the parents upon their children; the entire family is affected—even children in the third and fourth generations of those who reject me.

Therefore, if we were to take the time to draw up our family tree, we may notice patterns of sexual immorality amongst our family members that go back to four generations, to our great grandparents. Thank God that we can repent of our own sexual sins and break such generational curses in the name of Jesus Christ. Once we confess and renounce our generational sins and curses, we may notice that the innate urge to commit sexual immorality will be further reduced.

Galatians 3:13 NLT  But Christ has rescued us from the curse pronounced by the law. When he was hung on the cross, he took upon himself the curse for our wrongdoing. For it is written in the Scriptures, “Cursed is everyone who is hung on a tree.”

7. Identify the typical emotional triggers

The Bible shows us that viewing pornography is not a matter of sexual desire, but rather, the desires our the heart.

Mark 7:21-23 ESV  For from within, out of the heart of man, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, coveting, wickedness, deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride, foolishness. All these evil things come from within, and they defile a person.”

Research conducted by Teaching Humble Hearts in 2020 showed that the number one factor that drives both men (77%) and women (56%) to porn is the feeling of loneliness. Men seem to be driven to porn by their negative emotions; feeling alone (77%), stress (59%), anger and frustration (54%), rejection or betrayal (46%), as well as fear and anxiety (46%). Romance stories seem to be a trigger for half of the women (49%). A few women mentioned being triggered to watch porn after viewing sexualised imagery. For more details, see survey findings.

For many, pornography is a “pain reliever” for loneliness, unhappiness, stress, rejection, or boredom.

Like any opioid, porn becomes addictive when we rely on it to resolve our inner issues. The brain does not have the ability to distinguish good from evil, but will simply nudge us to get another neuro-chemical rush like the last one it received from porn. The more we give in to these urges, the more the brain demands – more intensity, more variety, and more shock appeal. This is how porn users slip into areas that they never imagined that they would, such as fetishes, pedophilia, orgies, sadomasochist acts, and so on.

Isaiah 5:20 NLT  What sorrow for those who say that evil is good and good is evil, that dark is light and light is dark, that bitter is sweet and sweet is bitter.

Romans 13:13-14 ESV  Let us walk properly as in the daytime, not in orgies and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and sensuality, not in quarreling and jealousy. But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires.

As believers, we are to no longer allow our fleshly brains to rule our behaviour and “not let any part of our bodies to become instruments of evil to serve sin.” Rather, we are to discipline our bodies and to capture every thought to make it obey Jesus Christ.

Romans 6:12-13 NLT  Do not let sin control the way you live; do not give in to sinful desires. Do not let any part of your body become an instrument of evil to serve sin. Instead, give yourselves completely to God, for you were dead, but now you have new life. So use your whole body as an instrument to do what is right for the glory of God.

2 Corinthians 10:5 ESV  We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ,

Instead of numbing or distracting ourselves from the issues in our lives that drive us to porn, we ought to turn to God in confession instead. Negative emotions invariably sprout from negative (sinful) roots. When we are right with God and the Holy Spirit, we will experience emotions such as love, joy, and peace.

Galatians 5:22 ESV  But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace…

The roots of our anxious emotions are not always so clear-cut since they go much deeper than what we can see. For example:

• Are we feeling lonely? Perhaps we have made inner vows in response to being hurt by people and promised ourselves to be independent, thereby closing our hearts to others and perpetually feeling disconnected. | To break free, see Inner vows must be revoked | James 5:12 NLT  But most of all, my brothers and sisters, never take an oath, by heaven or earth or anything else. Just say a simple yes or no, so that you will not sin and be condemned.
• Are we feeling stressed? Perhaps we have been driven to become perfectionists who can never rest until we know we have done our utmost best (just to subconsciously prove to someone in our lives that we are indeed worthy and valuable). As a result, we set impossible standards for ourselves to fulfill at all times. | To break free, see The toxic effect of perfectionism  | Galatians 3:3 ESV  Are you so foolish? Having begun by the Spirit, are you now being perfected by the flesh?
• Are we feeling angry and frustrated? Perhaps there are hurts we have not confessed and people we have not forgiven. | To break free, see Retraining our anger triggers  | Ephesians 4:31-32 ESV  Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

Therefore, it is important we ask the Holy Spirit to search our hearts for the desires that have been driving us to sin against Him and our own bodies.

Psalm 139:23-24 ESV  Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!

We can simply ask:

• “What negative emotions am I trying to compensate for or numb by watching porn? Do I have any fear?”
• “What are some typical scenarios or people that trigger these emotions?”
• “What is the way You want me to respond to them instead?”
• “In what ways should I be renewing my mind about these situations or people?”
• “What are the sinful attitudes or judgements that I need to repent of?”
• “Is there someone I need to forgive? Is there anyone I need to reconcile with?”

Emotional self-awareness is a crucial part of growing in maturity as a follower of Christ. God equips us with power and self-control, and we need to learn how to live in His empowering and self-discipline. Otherwise, our emotions will run our lives, not Jesus.  Once we are more aware of our emotional states when we get tempted, we can address them in ways that please, rather than grieve, God.

2 Timothy 1:7 ESV  for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.

8. Have a plan in place for when we are tempted

Preparation is key to fighting a battle well.

There will be times when our willpower will be enough to stand against temptation but more often than not, it is much easier to stop fighting using our own (limited) strength and immediately call on the name of the Lord instead.

Romans 10:13 ESV  For “everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.”

Whenever we are tempted, here is how we can pray, “Satan, I command you to leave me in the name of Jesus Christ. Holy Spirit, please come and help me, and give me relief. I do not want to sin against You!”

We are told to submit to God and resist the devil and he will have to flee.

James 4:7 ESV  Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.

Every bad habit is best defeated when we replace it with a good one. Therefore, we should not hesitate to develop different responses and hobbies to retrain our brains.

• Immediately start worshipping God through singing, praying in tongues, and praise.
• Remind ourselves of God’s presence and thank Him for our bodies.
• Recite Bible verses.
• Take a walk and talk to God.
• Talk to someone.
• Reach out to our prayer accountability partners through text messages and ask them to pray for us.
• Go out to be in nature and surrounded by God’s beautiful creations.
• Remind ourselves that we want to honour our spouse.

Hebrews 13:4 ESV Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.

9. Forgive ourselves for temporary setbacks

Just like any drug, going “cold turkey” with porn can come with some side effects.

Because our bodies are no longer able to get the neuro-chemical crush frorm porn, our brains may send us ever more persistent signals and cravings that we have not felt before. We need to recognise these for what they are, they are merely withdrawal symptoms and not real “needs”. These are urges we need to re-train our brains to disengage from as we refuse to gratify them. For more about withdrawal symptoms, please refer to this article from Covenant Eyes, 10 Symptoms of Porn Addiction Withdrawal (And How to Manage Them).

There may be times, however, when we are overcome by the stresses of this life and succumb to temptation. Please do not let these setbacks take us out of the race. If we fall, we simply need to get up again and continue running.  It is those who stay on the ground who will never move forward.

Hebrews 12:1-2 ESV  Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.

In these times, we need to stay alert for Satan’s temptations. The devil will tempt us into feeling hopeless and sorry for ourselves so that we will stagger into self-defeat and into his grip again.

The devil will tempt believers into thinking, “I still have the urge to watch pornography, so I must be hopeless,” “I sinned again last night, I am hopeless,” or “I have let so many people down, I am hopeless.” This will then morph into, “God won’t help me anymore, I haven’t completely come clean yet,” “God must be disgusted with me,” and “God won’t forgive me.” The idea is to get us to think, “Why even try to fight this?”

The truth is:

• With God, there is always hope | 1 Thessalonians 5:24 NLT God will make this happen, for he who calls you is faithful.
• God will forgive us when we turn again towards Him and away from sin, He will cleanse us of our sins | Acts 3:19 ESV Repent therefore, and turn again, that your sins may be blotted out,
• God is faithful, He will never forsake anyone who humbly calls on Him | 2 Timothy 2:13 ESV If we are faithless, he remains faithful— for he cannot deny himself.
• God will finish any good work He has started in our lives | Philippians 1:6 ESV And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.
• God’s Word lovingly calls us to persevere and not grow fainthearted, no one has resisted temptation to the point of shedding blood, like Jesus has | Hebrews 12:3-4 ESV Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted. In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood.

Therefore, in addition to seeking God’s loving forgiveness, we need to turn away from self-condemnation and extend forgiveness to ourselves for our setbacks. If God is willing to forgive us and save us, we ought not to put ourselves above God and hold our own sins against ourselves. That would make us a judge who is higher than God Himself. As long as we are willing to repent before God, we will be made right with Him again too.

10. Offer our gifts for renewal

God has given us many different spiritual gifts to build up His Kingdom on earth. Satan, on the other hand, will tempt us to use our spiritual gifts to destroy ourselves or one another.

Ephesians 4:11-13 ESV  And he gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the shepherds and teachers, to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ, until we all attain to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to mature manhood, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ,

The gift of imagination, for instance, can be corrupted and used for sexual/romantic fantasy and pornography. We use our minds for sensuality and depravity, rather than for righteousness, holiness, and love. When our thoughts get overrun with different debaucherous sexual images, we need to remember that our vivid imagination was initially a good gift from God that Satan has stolen for evil.

Romans 13:13 ESV  Let us walk properly as in the daytime, not in orgies and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and sensuality, not in quarreling and jealousy.

James 1:17 ESV  Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.

John 10:10 ESV  The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.

The gift of compassion, for instance, can be misunderstood as a means to comfort ourselves, instead of comforting others. The more we make self-comfort an idol, the harder it will be to turn away from self-gratification.

Let us, therefore, ask God to forgive us for misusing the good gifts He has given us by exposing our minds to porn. He will give us the wisdom to use our gifts in godly ways if we ask Him.

James 1:5 ESV  If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.

So the next time we are being tempted to view erotic images, we can use our gift of imagination to envisage how God feels about pornography or how the parents of the actresses and actors feel when others exploit their children. Such thoughts should keep us more sober-minded.

1 Peter 4:7 ESV  The end of all things is at hand; therefore be self-controlled and sober-minded for the sake of your prayers.

Instead of comforting ourselves with porn, we can turn to God and ask Him for His comfort as we give Him our burdens.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4 ESV  Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.

Matthew 11:28-30 ESV  Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

11. Do a thorough spring-cleaning

Pornography is a form of filth that corrupts our souls, and we need to know how to keep ourselves clean from its defilement.

Mark 7:21-23 ESV  … sexual immorality… adultery… sensuality … defile a person.”

It is, therefore, crucial for us to keep ourselves and our environment clean.

Just as the Holy Spirit comes to live in us when we ask Him to, evil spirits also take advantage of the doors we open to them through the sin of pornography ie. adultery. This is simply a spiritual reality. It doesn’t matter how long we have been a Christian, sin opens the door to evil spirits and gives them a legitimate foothold to remain. Once evil spirits find a “home” in our bodies, they will continue to pressurise us to return to our old patterns — until they are cast out.

We will recognise the work of evil spirits when we are hit by compulsive physical urges and tormenting thoughts that won’t leave us alone, no matter how much we want them to or how much we pray. The enemy will simply wear our resolve down until we give in. It seems nothing will bring peace unless we go back to porn. The Bible calls this slavery to sin, and is the work of the devil. Jesus came to set us free but the enemy will work hard to pull Christians back into bondage. Thank God all evil spirits can be cast out in the name of Jesus, as guided by the Holy Spirit. There is usually a number that work in tandem with one another to keep us in bondage, such as spirit of prostitution, spirit of lust, spirit of pornography, spirit of loneliness, spirits of (all the idols worshipped by one’s family) etc.

John 8:34 ESV  Jesus answered them, “Truly, truly, I say to you, everyone who practices sin is a slave to sin.

It is important to go through deliverance from these spirits rather than try to fight these spiritual battles in the natural on our own. Find an established inner healing and deliverance ministry led to God-fearing believers who love God and love people. (Please refer to the testimonies at the end of this post).

Next, we need to go through spiritual and mental “rehabilitation”.

As a start, we need to reclaim control and responsibility for our brains over the way we think. The good news is that our brains can be transformed by the way we think, because of a condition called neuroplasticity. Each time we think about something godly, that thought pattern is reinforced. When we choose to think less of something ungodly, those sinful thought patterns will eventually disappear. Therefore, it is important we make a concerted effort to fill our minds with loving thoughts and the Word of God. God’s Word is a sword that we can use to defend ourselves against temptation.

Romans 12:2 NLT  Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.

Philippians 4:8 ESV  Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

Ephesians 6:17 NLT  Put on salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

By now, we would have an understanding of what we look at or listen to that triggers us to turn to pornography. We simply need to take note of these and get rid of them.

What this means is that we ought to clear out our media and belongings and filter what we view online. This can include our music streams, anime cartoons, romance shows, posters, statues, video games, and even lifestyle magazines. It can also be helpful to remove all our devices from the place where we sleep, since this is the time of greatest temptation for most people.

Matthew 6:22-23 ESV  “The eye is the lamp of the body. So, if your eye is healthy, your whole body will be full of light, but if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light in you is darkness, how great is the darkness!

Psalm 101:3 ESV  I will not set before my eyes anything that is worthless. I hate the work of those who fall away; it shall not cling to me.

We can leave our bedroom door open and lights on, if we live with other family members, so we will be less tempted to do shameful things in the dark. Another option for open accountability is to sign up for mobile apps that allow trusted family members to see what we view on our devices.

Ephesians 5:11-12 ESV  Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them. For it is shameful even to speak of the things that they do in secret.

Another thing to keep clean is our inner circle of friends. Do they spur us on to follow Jesus or to follow the ways of the world? Whoever we befriend or follow on social media will eventually influence our thoughts. Our brains will subconsciously store everything that they talk or joke about, post online, or encourage us to watch or read.

1 Thessalonians 5:22 ESV  Abstain from every form of evil.

1 Corinthians 15:33 ESV  Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals.”

Ephesians 5:3 ESV  But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints.

We must also be prepared to stand up against people who ridicule or mock us for refusing to watch porn. The Bible reminds us that we have “spent enough time in the past doing what pagans choose to do—living in debauchery, lust, drunkenness, orgies, carousing and detestable idolatry” and that it is time to move on. We need to ensure that we abstain from every form of evil and that our inner circle is a godly and safe one, for the sake of our souls.

1 Peter 4:3-5 NIV  For you have spent enough time in the past doing what pagans choose to do—living in debauchery, lust, drunkenness, orgies, carousing and detestable idolatry. They are surprised that you do not join them in their reckless, wild living, and they heap abuse on you. But they will have to give account to him who is ready to judge the living and the dead.

12. Practice fasting

Fasting helps us to “tame” our flesh as we use the time we would normally spend feeding our bodies to read God’s Word and honour Him. When we fast as God’s Word instructs us to, we will notice that “the bonds of wickedness” are loosened. For how to fast, please see The significance of fasting.

Isaiah 58:6 ESV   “Is not this the fast that I choose: to loose the bonds of wickedness, to undo the straps of the yoke, to let the oppressed go free, and to break every yoke?

Psalm 73:26 ESV  My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

Remember that God is faithful

Turning away from pornography for good requires conscientious effort, and it can certainly be done when we choose to please God more than we please ourselves. God’s Word calls us to put off our old selves which have been corrupted by deceitful desires and to put on our new selves to be re-moulded in His likeness.

Ephesians 4:22-24 ESV   To put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.

Sometimes, miracles can happen, where we lose all appetite for pornography after being baptised in the Holy Spirit. Other times, our journey may mean that we will have to learn self-discipline and practice self-control over a period of time, for our own good.

Whichever way we recover from a habit of pornography, we can praise God that He is faithful and will never leave our side. Even if our hearts sometimes condemn us, we can rest assured that God is greater than our self-accusations and judgements. He knows our desire to come clean and our struggles with our fleshly desires. He is faithful and will help us. God will sanctify us each day as we humble ourselves before Him.

Isaiah 41:13 ESV  For I, the Lord your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, “Fear not, I am the one who helps you.”

1 Thessalonians 5:22-24 ESV  Abstain from every form of evil. Now may the God of peace himself sanctify you completely, and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. He who calls you is faithful; he will surely do it.

1 John 3:20 NIV  If our hearts condemn us, we know that God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.

Isaiah 1:16 ESV  Wash yourselves; make yourselves clean; remove the evil of your deeds from before my eyes; cease to do evil,

Testimony 1: Delivered from a lie that trapped oneself in pornography 

Here is a testimony from a sister-in-Christ.

“My husband and I have been married for five years and we have two young children. I thought that we had a generally good marriage except that perhaps my husband seemed quite distracted by his mobile phone. He would look at his mobile phone during meals, in bed at night, and even during our family holidays. I knew that we were slowly growing apart emotionally but maybe it was because we were too busy to “romance” one another like we used to at the beginning of our marriage. I never expected to find pornography on his mobile phone. I came across this by accident when I helped to check for some family text messages.

To be honest, I was utterly devastated and did not know what to do. It really hurt my self-esteem. I wondered if I was not good enough, if I had done anything wrong, if I was no longer attractive. Why was my husband watching hundreds of other naked women having sex?

Eventually, after some prayer, I gently confronted my husband. He confessed that he had been addicted to pornography since he was a teenager and that it had nothing to do with me. He said he had assumed that after marriage, the pornography would stop. He always told everyone that he felt like the luckiest man on earth to marry a beautiful woman like me but he discovered that the old habit just wouldn’t die. He deleted the apps and images on his phone and promised to do better. It seemed like things improved for a few months. He spent more time with us and we were happier.

But the next time, I caught him literally watching pornography on a laptop at home. We have two young girls and I was very concerned for them. What if they caught their father watching pornography? Are they safe to be home with such filth around? I was so heartbroken. I felt very betrayed and helpless. Should I file for divorce? Should I move out? Should I tell his parents?

I needed someone to talk to and confide in badly but I felt that I couldn’t tell any of our friends in our Christian circles. It was at this point that I reached out to a lady I know who does inner healing and deliverance. I hadn’t spoken to her in years and I am glad she was willing to listen and help me.

This lady gave me a lot of comfort by explaining that this was not an uncommon issue and that my husband loved me but was in bondage to the enemy. If I would pray for him and gently suggest a prayer session, she would gladly pray with him. She gave me some reading materials to help me understand how porn addiction works. While this helped me understand my husband better, it didn’t really mend my broken heart. I felt like my marriage was a sham and I was trapped in it. I had always wanted a happy marriage and believed that if I married a Christian man, who served at church in alpha and different ministries, we would have a a good foundation. I was wrong, so wrong. I felt deceived. 

At this point, I could only cling onto Jesus and pray and ask for His comfort every day. These were days of many tears and questions. I know Jesus felt my pain and He answered my prayers. 

In spite of my pain, I was convicted that I still needed to love my husband and not nag or push him to go for prayer. It is something that he needed to be convicted to do on his own. Thankfully, my husband was willing to meet with the lady for deliverance after seeing how brokenhearted I was. It really affected me badly and I even lost my appetite.

A couple of weeks before we met for the prayer counselling and deliverance session, the Holy Spirit had told the lady that my husband had a father wound. How was this related to his porn addiction? I really didn’t know so I could only share it with him by faith. My husband would never talk about his feelings or his upbringing but it was at this time that he began to slowly open up and we had several meaningful conversations. That helped to bring us closer.

My husband grew up in a Christian family where his father is very strict. He was forced to put on his best front at all times, but especially at church because my father-in-law is a deacon and major financial contributor there. Upholding the family’s image was very important to his father. 

I felt my husband’s pain when he told me how he felt so pressured to look happy, polite and well-behaved all the times when inside, he felt sad, alone, and desperate for genuine love an affirmation. His dad would beat him for any slight deviation from perfect behaviour, sometimes shaming him in front of other adults in church just to prove a point. I had never seen my husband cry but I could see his eyes become teary as he recounted these painful experiences. 

My husband felt that he couldn’t be himself, and that he could only find true pleasure, acceptance, and joy by looking outside the home. Anything that was “imperfect” made him feel released from the pressure he felt to be “perfect” at home. So when his friends introduced him to pornography, that became his secret escape and “joy”. It also gave him a sense of empowerment against the stifling demands of a religious home background.

This is why even after we were married, he still felt the need to look for “joy” and “release” outside of our home. This was the lie that Satan used to keep my husband in bondage to sexual sin for so many years! 

I was so sad. I pointed out to my husband that God had redeemed his life and given him two beautiful daughters and a loving wife — but he could not see his blessings because of this lie.

All this came to light God had given a word of knowledge “father wound” to the deliverance minister. How powerful God’s words are. It doesn’t need to be many but it is profound.

When we met up for prayer, we were able to cover a lot of ground because my husband had already brought up a lot of his background. The Holy Spirit then helped my husband forgive his father. He also repented of rebelling against his father. He renounced all the shame that he was put under and cast out many spirits that came into his life because of these bitter experiences; spirits of anger, loneliness, bitterness, rebellion, lies and so on. Then we dealt with the spirits related to pornography and cast them out too. We broke many lies that day, including the lie that he can only feel true joy and freedom outside the home. 

This belief from his childhood had become a curse on our marriage and I am so thankful to God for revealing it.

My husband experienced a lot of freedom that day. He said he felt as a huge weight came off his body. His face looked brighter and more relaxed. He seemed genuinely joyful. I could sense that he was different too. At the end of the prayer session, he saw a vision of Jesus comforting him. Amazing. God is so good.

Since then, my husband has become a lot more dedicated to seeking God each day. The deliverance minister explained that he needed to form new habits which were centred on God. He spends time praying and fasting for our family a couple of times a week. He makes time to be in God’s presence each day. He is also more “present” at home with me and the girls. I continue to encourage him in his walk with God because I know that is the only way to true joy and freedom.”

Testimony 2: Escaping from the temptation by learning to rest in Jesus

Here is a testimony from a brother-in-Christ.

“Despite being a Christian for many years, I found that I couldn’t be free from sexual sin and was trapped in porn, pre-marital sex, “happy ending” massages and even sexual encounters.

I read from the Bible that it is a sin to live in sexual immorality, so why was I still doing it? Why couldn’t I break free? After I took part in the Love the Lord discipleship course, I slowly came to realise that it is part of my escape from loneliness and depression, mixed with curiosity and idolatry of fleshy pursuits or lust.

I noticed that I was able to temporarily “escape” from sexual immorality when I switched my focus to any ambitious “project’, whether it was a work-based project or someone I pursued. For example, I sinned “less” when I admired someone and thought about her day and night. When the so called “pursuit”  or “motivation” was gone, I would go back to the old life, despite being well aware that sexual immorality displeases God and grieves the Holy Spirit.

I doubted whether I was a child of God because of my sexual immorality. Also, I had not truly experienced God despite spending my entire life at church … until I went through the discipleship course and renewal prayer.

During various prayer sessions, God re-affirmed my identity in His eyes, both through my personal time of devotion and through prophesies from various people.

The confirmation that God loves me helped!

Even though I fall short, I am still His child – although that doesn’t give me the right to continuously live as a slave to sexual sin. Could I live like a citizen of Kingdom of Heaven or just continue as if I belonged to the world?

Our flesh tends to lean towards this world; focusing on ourselves, our needs, our career, our fear of losing out etc. and not God’s Kingdom. When I live my life with my hope in this world, I automatically depend on my flesh more and more.

For example, there are times that I worked really hard to achieve some key performance index (KPI) at work and shut God out completely. This is the time where I felt secure, independent, and in control. But it is also the time I failed in sexual purity because I did not give control over to God. 

There was another period of time I indulged in sexual sin to “free” myself from the pain of a broken relationship, which had been my safe harbour. During one prayer meeting, someone saw a vision of my partner leaving and me, crying. Jesus came to me and asked me three times, “Do you love Me?” This moved me to reconsider my ways.

We can be free from sexual sin when we put our hope and fix our eyes on God and His promises. Whenever I face problems with my work and my relationship, I now constantly remind myself that God is in control, that He has a promise and future for me that is good, and that He is kind, patient and gentle to me. If something good happens, it is because of God’s glory and His blessing.

When I live my life on self-reliance and shut out God’s grace, I can’t be free from sexual sin. I can only truly escape from sexual sin when I rest in Him.”

May this sharing be a blessing to you as you seek to love God with all your heart and break free from the trap of pornography.