Retraining our anger triggers

God created mankind in His image, and implanted in us the ability to feel a wide range of emotions. Of all our emotions, anger is probably the most volatile but God is slow to anger, and so should we be too. If we find that anger rises up like an exploding volcano inside us at even slight agitations, we might need to ask God to show us the reasons why. Thank God that ungodly anger can be retrained.

(See Chinese versions: 简体中文 > 转化我们愤怒的诱因 | 繁體中文 > 轉化我們憤怒的誘因)

Anger in itself is not bad. Even the tamest of animals will react with loud aggression when someone accidentally touches an unhealed wound. It’s part of our instinctive defence mechanism. It is what we choose to do with our anger that becomes a good or bad testimony for Jesus Christ.

God gets angry at the things that separate us from Him

God gets angry too. His righteous anger is slow and targeted. It burns against those who stop people from His love and salvation.

Psalm 103:8 ESV The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.

Romans 1:18 ESV For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who by their unrighteousness suppress the truth.

The Bible records Jesus as getting angry at the money-changers in the temple (John 2:14-16). God’s love is free. The merchants however, charged excessive prices and created costly obstacles that blocked people from worshipping Him freely. Jesus showed great self-control and purpose in His display of righteous anger. He first calmly made a whip and then walked around the temple to drive the merchants and all their animals out.

John 2:14-16 ESV  In the temple he found those who were selling oxen and sheep and pigeons, and the money-changers sitting there. And making a whip of cords, he drove them all out of the temple, with the sheep and oxen. And he poured out the coins of the money-changers and overturned their tables. And he told those who sold the pigeons, “Take these things away; do not make my Father’s house a house of trade.”

At all other times, Jesus has shown Himself to be full of compassion, wisdom and grace, even towards those that society despised and condemned.

John 8:3,10-11 NIV The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group. Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” “No one, sir,” she said. “Then neither do I condemn you,”Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.”

Anger is a powerful force 

Being made in God’s image, we too will get angry at times. God meant for anger to motivate us to bring justice and peace to this world. Unfortunately, we have learnt to use anger for our personal unholy purposes.

God’s anger burns against the issue of sin because it separates us from Him. Our anger usually targets other people, whom God desires to save from sin. Instead of being angry at the sin which Satan uses to enslave people, we get angry at the oppressed instead. Sadly, believers in Christ turn people away from Christ because we misrepresent His gospel message of love and salvation.

Here are some examples of how we profane God’s holy name with our ungodly anger.

The hidden roots of ungodly anger

The Bible points out that we become angry and quarrelsome because of a war that goes on within us; between what we know we ought to do (counsel from the Holy Spirit) and what we feel tempted to do (temptation from the devil).

James 4:1 ESV What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you?

Ungodly anger is often driven by unresolved frustrations or fears in our subconscious. It is a potent emotion that is driven by latent emotions such as bitterness, confusion, hatred, shame, pain, worthlessness and so forth. These latent emotions are often developed during childhood when we did not have the maturity to resolve them. Ungodly anger is often a sign of negative emotions that have been bottled up for years.

The Bible even instructs parents not to provoke their children to anger by failing to raise them in loving, godly ways.

Ephesians 6:4 ESV Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

The Holy Spirit will reveal the roots

Thank God that we have His Holy Spirit as our Helper. God’s Spirit will reveal the deep subconscious triggers that lead us to outbursts of ungodly anger.

As we still our minds and pray to ask God for His revelation, we will find that forgotten memories pop back into our mind, reminding us of people we need to forgive or fears we need to resolve and put away. If we are unable to pray further on our own, we can confess our past disappointments, fears, regrets and unmet needs to godly brothers or sisters in Christ who are able to lovingly pray with us and encourage us along our journey of restoration.

John 14:26 ESV But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you.

1 Corinthians 2:10 ESV these things God has revealed to us through the Spirit. For the Spirit searches everything, even the depths of God.

The wonderful thing about such revelations from the Holy Spirit is that it could also reveal the areas in which we are meant to bring God’s righteousness into, turning our experiences of ungodly anger into opportunities to bring God glory.

For example, an angry man who was neglected by his parents while growing up could now become very motivated to lead fundraising events for abandoned children or refugee shelters. Someone who was unfairly targeted in school could mentor teenagers with similar experiences. How wonderful it is when we use our past anger issues to bring hope to others in need, rather than continue to simmer in hopeless rage.

Please see The importance of emotional healing.

Practical ways to retrain our anger triggers

1. Decide on our battles beforehand

After we address the roots of our anger and go to God for healing and restoration, it will help to mentally rehearse our chosen responses if something sets off our old triggers in the future. What will we choose to overlook and ignore, and what will we take a firm and loving stand on? For this, we need to ask the Holy Spirit for His counsel and answers. He is the Spirit of truth and wisdom who will lead us on a path of love, joy and peace.

Proverbs 19:11 ESV Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense.

Proverbs 12:16 ESV The vexation of a fool is known at once, but the prudent ignores an insult.

2. Learn to slow down

There is no need to react immediately to things that upset us. This gives us time to pray, consider the consequences and ask the Holy Spirit to guide our thoughts and emotions. After all, part of the fruit of the Holy Spirit is self control. As we mature in our walk with the Lord, the more self control we will have, as He heals our hearts and cleanses us of our own unrighteousness as we make it a practice to confess our anger to Him. Often, our anger is triggered when our insecurities, idols or egos come under threat. A truly humble person is not easily angered. The Lord is faithful and He will reveal our inner anxieties so that we can learn to walk with Him in truth and become more and more like Jesus.

Proverbs 29:11 ESV A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back.

Galatians 5:16 ESV But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.

1 John 1:9 ESV If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

3. Release all emotions to the eternal Judge

Thank God that He welcomes us as His sons and daughters, and will patiently listen to our complaints. It can be extremely healing to confess and vent to God about new grievances. His Spirit will comfort us deep in our souls.

Psalm 142:2 ESV I pour out my complaint before him; I tell my trouble before him.

4. Don’t hold on to grievances towards fellow human beings

God’s Word instructs us to put away all “anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk”. Such things grieve the Holy Spirit. Putting these things away, however, takes conscious effort, and may sometimes require the help of other fellow believers to pray for our healing and deliverance.

The Bible says that our battles are not against flesh and blood. If we find that we seem to be fighting a losing battle with our tendency to fly into a rage, we should seek for deliverance from unclean spirits that may be influencing us. Demonic spirits can infiltrate our lives through the generational iniquity of idol worship or witchcraft that get passed down from one generation to the next. Once those spirits are cast out, we will find that we have a new ability to exude the calm peace of the Lord Jesus. Deliverance from our unseen enemy is a Christ-given right for every believer!

Colossians 3:8 ESV But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth.

Ephesians 6:12-13 ESV For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm.

Exodus 20:4-6 ESV “You shall not make for yourself a carved image, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. You shall not bow down to them or serve them, for I the Lord your God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and the fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing steadfast love to thousands of those who love me and keep my commandments.

5. Decide to honour God and overcome evil with good

It takes emotional maturity to manage our anger triggers. When we do, we are able to bless those who curse us and pray for those who hate us. This is what differentiates the men from the boys, and the ladies from the girls. May we all live as redeemed and mature believers who are able to bring God’s light into the world, instead of spreading more hatred and resentment. There is already enough pain in this world.

Romans 12:21 ESV  Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. 

Matthew 5:44-48 ESV  But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same?

Testimony: Relenting from anger to extend grace 

“After I became a Christian, I stopped blowing up in anger at others. But friends in my church group noticed that my anger was still simmering under the surface. I had difficulty speaking up when I feel that I have been treated unfairly. Instead, I kept things to myself and boiled with anger to the point that I start avoiding the person who offended me.

I was still resentful, angry, and full of hate because my mother used to forbid me from crying, getting angry, or even looking upset. I was never allowed to talk about how I felt. Many times, I felt like my mother was controlled by a demon when she flew into one of her unpredictable rages.

Even though I knew it was a problem, nothing happened when I prayed on my own for God to help me release the anger. So I was given an opportunity in my small group to talk about how my parents made me feel sad, scared, angry, or disappointed. I judged my mother for being blind and deaf to others – even when people genuinely wanted to be nice to her – but I had also became blind and deaf myself and had trouble believing that people genuinely care about me.

When my friends told me repeatedly that they wanted me to speak up when others disrespected me because they saw that I was hurting myself, I literally could not register what they said in my brain. To me, they were like my mother, just waiting for the chance to throw false accusations at me and beat me over the head even when I had done nothing wrong. My instinct was to retreat into my own castle and disengage.

After hours of confessing and receiving prayer, I could finally accept that they were genuinely concerned about me, and that I need to learn to grow up and speak up when people are unfair to me. That brought a level of healing.

A couple of days afterward, my mother started telling my sister and me about how she was treated unfairly in the past. The old me would have tried to get my mother to stop talking as quickly as possible out of fear that somehow her temper would get out of hand again. But this time, I prayed, took a deep breath, and acknowledged my mother’s pain. She talked more about the circumstances – which were very serious – and about her bitterness and inability to speak up for herself.

I was struck by how my mother was held captive by the same patterns that had held me captive for so long.

By God’s grace, I had the opportunity and courage to praise my mother for her kindness even though she felt cornered, and pointed out that because of her kindness a long time ago, God has brought many kind people into my life to bless me in return. My sister, who is also a believer, jumped in and continued the conversation to bring comfort to my mother.

These kinds of conversations have never happened in my family before, and I am thankful for how God brings blessings when we turn to Him and release our own unforgiveness, fears, and pain.”

May this sharing be a blessing to you as you seek to love God with all your heart as you turn from ungodly anger.