Jesus shows lawyer how to use her spiritual gift

S is blessed with beauty and many talents. Yet she struggled with sorrow and self-pity as part of her identity. The Holy Spirit led her to several important revelations that have brought her greater peace and deeper intimacy with God, including how her spiritual gift of empathy had been corrupted. Praise God!

(See Chinese versions: 简体中文 > 耶稣启示律师如何运用她的属灵恩赐 | 繁體中文 > 耶穌啟示律師如何運用她的屬靈恩賜)

For the longest time, I had prevented myself from being emotional.

At home, I was told not to cry because ‘crying is ugly’ and ‘crying is disobedience’. The world tells you ‘big girls don’t cry.’ At the workplace, we are told ‘crying is not professional’.

Therefore, I restricted myself to two types of emotions: happiness and anger. As a result, I felt angry when in fact, I was sad, anxious, grieving, or frustrated.

When growing up, I remember I was often criticised, shamed or felt guilty about almost everything – from the way I walked to the way I looked. After being verbally abused by my mother and suppressing my emotions for many years, I could no longer differentiate my feelings of anger from other strong emotions.

The negative emotions I felt were so real that I felt helpless and stuck.

Each time I felt those emotions, it was too much to bear and I wanted to die.

This consumed me so much to a point that I would find myself obsessing over any situation. I would keep thinking of what I can do the next time in order to avoid getting emotionally wounded again.

Rather than be taught how to understand my feelings, I was told there was no need to ‘overreact’ and not be so sensitive all the time or that. By caving in to such ideas and denying my true feelings, I now realise that I had bowed myself down to my mother (and Satan who has been manipulating her to act in such a way towards me to hurt us both.)

I hadn’t realised that in fact, I had the gift of empathy until the Holy Spirit brought me to this revelation during an inner healing and deliverance prayer session.

I also realised a few important things that had never crossed my mind; namely, that I am able to sense or pick up feelings and thoughts of another person very easily. In addition to that, a spirit of self-victimisation and a spirit of sorrow had passed down to me through my mother’s spiritual lineage. It only struck me then that all the women in my mother’s family line seem to have a sense of deep sorrow from feeling unloved by their fathers and also their husbands.

Instead of using the gift of empathy outwardly to further God’s kingdom, I had been misguided to use it inwardly to suppress it or feel sorry for myself. I had also abused this spiritual gift for my own advantage by trying to read and judge other people in order to protect myself, rather than to empathise with and love them.

I repented for misusing this gift and also renounced my inner vows related to denying my emotions.

As the prayer session continued, I began to regret that the enemy had used this gift and felt condemned. My prayer counsellor led me to see that this was another emotional trap from Satan and to renounce this feeling of condemnation. There is no condemnation for those who are in Jesus Christ.

Romans 8:1-2 NLT  So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. And because you belong to him, the power of the life-giving Spirit has freed you from the power of sin that leads to death.

After repenting and declaring the truth about God’s infinite power of redemption, I have been able to understand that if I am willing to submit myself to Him, I would be able to see God’s goodness and His powerfulness and sovereignty in my life.

I was led to forgive my mother for hurting me with her spoken words and to confront the pain that those words had inflicted upon me. I also repented to God that I had felt responsible for her feelings and realised that my mother’s emotions were no longer my own burden to bear, but God’s. In Jesus’ name, I ended the emotional slavery and unyoked myself from my mother’s emotions. Since then, I have been able to see my mother as a sister in Christ and to love her through God’s lens.

During the prayer session, the Holy Spirit also guided me back to a memory when I was in my mother’s womb.

When I was asked what emotions I felt, I instantly felt heartache as if I felt unwanted as a fetus. This revelation of heartache coincided with what my prayer counsellors had also sensed for me; that I would have strongly felt all my mother’s negative feelings inside her womb. First-time mothers who feel unsure or nervous about their pregnancies can pass the same emotions to their babies. Because of my gift of empathy, I would have taken on all of my mother’s insecurities and anxieties as my own.

I am grateful for this revelation because it helped me understand why I have always been drawn to music, movies, and TV drama that glorify death, sorrow, and heartache. The Holy Spirit also showed me that my tendency towards the feeling of heartache was a generational pattern passed down spiritually through my mother’s family.

My mother’s family was wealthy and my grandfather held a high ranking position in government.

There was a vision of my mother’s ancestors dressed in yellow clothing and bowing down in a temple, and being dedicated to an idol known to the locals. As a result, spirits of self-victimisation, sorrow and self-pity took root and now had dominion in our spiritual lineage. Those in bondage to these spirits tend to perceive themselves as being the victim in almost all situations. They may even come off as being self-centered because they are so fixated on self-pity.

Ephesians 6:12 ESV For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.

This helped to explain why I easily experienced emotions such as bitterness, covetousness, jealousy, rivalry, strife, and anger.

Even though I had studied the Bible for years, I was blinded to God’s truths in my heart and how much He had already blessed me with. Those dark spiritual powers also led me to distance myself from others in all my relationships and prevented me from trusting in God’s abundant love, provision, and faithfulness.

2 Corinthians 4:4 NIV  The god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers, so that they cannot see the light of the gospel that displays the glory of Christ, who is the image of God.

During my inner healing and deliverance prayer, I was led to confess the idolatry in my ancestry and demanded those spirits to leave me in Jesus’ name for good. Since then, I have been able to feel the goodness and faithfulness of God in my life and rebuke lies from Satan that tempt me to return to a negative state of mind.

Being aware of these emotional traps, I am mindful of my own thoughts and have peace in my heart and in my mind.

For instance, when I find myself wondering in negative thoughts of covetousness over another person’s situation, I’m reminded of God’s faithfulness in His Word and reflect on His victories in my life. When I feel bitter towards another for speaking hurtful words and making me feel unworthy, I’m reminded by His Word that I am worthy and loved by God. In the past I was drawn to harbouring bitterness and hatred, but now I’ve tasted the lightness of taking God’s yoke and submit my emotions to Him.

I have also realised that I had heavily based my self-worth through how others feel about me, rather than on God’s truth in His Word – which tells us to build our house on the rock and not on sand.

Mathew 7:24 ESV “Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock.

Since my inner healing and deliverance prayer session, I have been able to walk closer with God as I can now see Him clearly and observe His footprints in my life.

I now understand that I am not what I feel. For instance, if I feel unworthy, it doesn’t mean that I am unworthy.

But rather, my emotions are a tool that allows me to walk with others to ‘rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep’ (Romans 12:15). I am thankful that with the gift of empathy, I have been able to understand and help others express their suppressed emotions.

I praise God for allowing me to witness how this gift has been a way for God to bring comfort to those who are emotionally repressed or don’t understand their own emotions. I’m hopeful that God would use this gift to bring reconciliation to my family.

Also, see:
The lasting emotional imprints from the womb