Jesus shows marketing manager she is precious
C had previously repented of her sins but still carried shame and guilt hidden deep in her heart. She felt unworthy of God’s love. The Holy Spirit lovingly guided her to the roots of her feelings of unworthiness and set her free from the lies she had believed about herself. Then, He showed her how much God truly loves her. Praise God!
(See Chinese versions: 简体中文 > 耶稣显示业务经理她是珍贵的 | 繁體中文 > 耶穌顯示業務經理她是珍貴的)
When I signed up for the Love the Lord course, I did not expect to have anything in my spirit that I needed to deal with.
I just wanted to know God better. I had already dealt with the feelings of unworthiness and identity before through a vision that God showed me a few years ago when my last relationship ended. He showed me that He created me in a unique way. I came to this world without any earthly labeling and He loved me simply for who I am. But I didn’t go deeper.
What I appreciate about this course is it helped me to go deeper and understand (then realise) the roots and lies of ungodly acts, thoughts, and feelings. At the end of the course, I started fasting and filling the form for an inner healing and deliverance prayer.
As I filled in the form, God revealed more things to me – things about my family and my past, including some incidents that I thought I have dealt with already. God helped me realise that I may have dealt with them in my head (based on knowledge), but not in my heart. I still felt pain, shame, and guilt.
As a favorite child in the family, I didn’t know that I was upset about my mom until God showed it to me this time.
My dad worked very hard until very late when we were young. My mom was a full-time housewife. Because I studied well, my parents trusted me fully – they did not pay much attention to me or worry about my schoolwork.
Slowly, I got used to making most of the decisions regarding my studies and my life by myself. I thought I enjoyed such independence and was okay that my parents did not ask much about my school – or my life in general. When I filled up the inner healing and deliverance prayer form, I realised that this was not true.
I was upset with my mom because I felt neglected and unloved.
Why didn’t my mom, a full-time housewife, pay more attention to my emotional needs? Why was she not like the other moms, who seemed more educated and able to provide wise advice to their children? Why did my mom only care about feeding us and other housework, but not care about my feelings, studies, and future? Why were other moms such good role models for their daughters to look up to, but not my mom?
I not only felt anger towards my mom, I also looked down on her in my heart.
When I realised it, I immediately felt so guilty and self-condemned. I knew I shouldn’t think about my mom this way or hold such emotions towards her. Thank God that He brought this up to me because He wanted me to overcome it.
During the inner healing and deliverance prayer, I submitted all my anger and negative emotions towards my mom to God and decided to forgive her. Immediately, I felt that burden lift and the anger in my heart gone.
I found that I could empathise with my mom in my heart and truly love her, rather than love her out of responsibility.
My mom came from a very broken family and grew up without a loving environment. There were fights and arguments between the grown-ups and her parents would also vent their emotions on her.
God also showed me how much my mom loved me even though she didn’t fit into the perfect mom image that I had created. Now, I’m genuinely grateful for my mom and my family.
Due to the way I felt unloved and unworthy at home, I gave everything, including my body, in almost every relationship I had in the past.
In my head, I knew that it was wrong and that I was sinning against God, but I fell into sexual sin again and again.
God helped me deal with the feelings of unworthiness a few years ago as mentioned above . That’s why I thought I didn’t need to pray about it again. But during the prayer session, the Holy Spirit brought me back to the last relationship again. I felt so ashamed because I knew Jesus was there. I regretted what I had done but couldn’t turn back time and undo my mistakes.
From my head knowledge, I knew Jesus would not condemn me, but I didn’t believe it in my heart.
I thought Jesus must be so disappointed in me. He must still be upset about my sin, even after I repented. I didn’t really understand God’s unconditional love. Therefore, I found that I continued to rely on my own works (to do good) in order to make up for my sins and “earn” God’s love back.
But during the inner healing and deliverance prayer, Jesus showed me that He was not upset about what I had done. Instead, He had been there crying for me.
He was sad because I didn’t see how worthy and precious I was in His eyes.
At that moment, I finally knew and actually felt how much Jesus loves me for the first time after being a Christian for over a decade. The promise in Romans 8:1 was no longer just head knowledge, I experienced it myself.
Romans 8:1 ESV There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.
Now I enjoy spending time with God, and not because I have to. I know how much He loves me and I simply want to spend time with Him. I’m more aware of my ungodly thoughts and behaviours and more alert to the temptation to sin.
I run away from temptations now and it’s not because I am afraid of being condemned or want to make up for my sins.
It’s out of love as I can see that I’m getting closer to God after my inner healing and deliverance prayer.
I still remember the picture that God showed me at the end of the prayer session. I was in a beautiful palace where God was sitting on the throne where angels and elders were worshipping Him. I was dancing in front of God in a grand velvet red dress with golden thread. Daddy God was so pleased with me and wouldn’t take His eyes off me as I am His precious daughter – the identity that I don’t need to work on earning and will never change.