Watch: Charlotte’s testimony

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Video transcript

After repenting of my anger, judgement and bitterness towards my parents, I sensed something different, something working inside me.

Hello, I’m Charlotte. I work in the advertising and marketing industry.

I grew up in a troubled family where dad and mom have their own problems. My dad used to beat me whenever my school grades didn’t make him satisfied. The more he beat me, the more rebellious I wanted to be. I didn’t sense any parental love in my childhood. Therefore, seeking excitement became my channel for self-approval, self-fulfilment, and self-satisfaction.

One of the most memorable events, I stole daddy’s money just to buy stationery. Things did not go smoothly. I got caught by my dad. He was furious and interrogated me about the reason I stole money but I denied everything.

At the end, he beat me with a rattan stick and punished me by forcing me to bow down and apologise to him.

That night, he didn’t allow me to sleep in my room. Rather, his strategy was to punish me overnight. I didn’t sleep that night. I clearly remember the 3D rattan marks all over my back and my arms. That was not the first time. I couldn’t compute how many times I have suffered from heavy parental punishment.

As I grew up, I’ve found a way to release my loneliness and sought approval outside. That was alcohol and night life. I’ve wasted more than 10 years living in karaoke places, clubs, and bars. I enjoyed getting drunk, hanging out with friends till the next day, and committing sexual sins. That’s how I thought I could find my identity.

Seven years ago, I got invited to attend a church service by a friend, after meeting her at a hiking event.

That was a very special experience for me to attend an English-speaking church. I was drawn to the worship songs, church events, and community services. I was eager to join the classes and keen to meet new people. I remembered clearly that they invited a DJ to play music at the church and I was invited to join a boat trip hosted by church people.

My eyes were opened. I didn’t think that church life could be so amazing. The point I want to share is that God is so powerful. He knows our personal life. He knows what kind of church events would arouse the people’s interest to get to know Him more.

However, my personal life at that time remained messy.

One day, a friend from church approached me and introduced a discipleship course for me to study. She was on a ski trip when she received a message about the course. She felt a nudge from God to tell me that it’s a place for me to grow. I thank God for starting me on the course. That was my first experience of inner healing.

Throughout the study, my personal life remained chaotic. I went to clubs and bars on Friday and Saturday. Sunday, I would be in church and attend the course.

In those years, I lived in the tension between God and Satan.

I knew how bad it was going to clubs.
I knew how I dishonoured God when I committed sexual sins.
I knew yoga was a bad influence but I kept practising.
I knew God was upset about all the bad things I have done…
The tension was super strong when Satan still lived in my life.

After the course, God put me in a small discipleship group. There was no judgement in the group. The ladies walked with me patiently and showed me the true meaning of loving one another.

Last year, I decided to be baptised and made a real commitment to God. It took me five years for my life to be transformed.

Never underestimate God’s timing. He surely can do miracles. Also, do not judge a person if their life hasn’t been transformed by God yet.

Let me tell you a little more about how the Holy Spirit transformed my life. I have done several inner healing prayers. Each one, God healed my heart and set me free.The first one focused on cutting ties with the occult, ancestors, and ungodly activities.

The facilitators said my face looked radiant after the prayer session, which confused me because I used to put on make-up whenever I needed to go out, even a short distance to go to the convenience store. I wasn’t confident to show people my true self. My skin condition was bad.

Before God’s timing for my second inner healing prayer, I went to clubs as usual on Friday nights.

One night, my wallet got stolen at the club. I reported it to the police station. They found it in the next day and asked me to go and collect it. Everything was there, except the cash. The next week, I went to the same club again. My wallet got stolen again. The same things repeated again. I reported it to the police station. They found it the next day. I went and collected it. Everything was there, except the cash — same as last week.

A thought came to my mind. Perhaps this is God’s plan to pull me out of club life?

A week after, I went to the clubs as usual. This time, I fell from the stairs at the club. That night, I wore a pair of boots with three-inch high heels. Because I was unconscious and drunk, I wasn’t aware that my ankle was in serious condition until the next day. I wasn’t able to walk at all. The incident put me on a break from all the clubs for about three months. I started to question, is this part of God’s plan?

The second inner healing prayer uncovered my hatred, judgement, and unforgiveness towards my parents. There was a victim spirit inside myself that affect my relationship with others.

The victim spirit made me think I was the poorest girl in the world, that I needed to get drunk to get away from the world.

But God showed me He is a great Father. He loves me more than my earthly father does. He won’t punish me like my biological father does. On the other hand, God showed me that I was being neglected by mom. I was not aware because my anger and hatred focused on my dad. This feeling could only be revealed by the Holy Spirit in the prayer session. God mended my heart.

After repenting of my anger, judgement, and bitterness towards my parents this round, I sensed something different, something working inside me. The negative habits did not go away immediately, but the Holy Spirit gradually changed my heart.

When I get closer to God, He reveals Himself more and more to me.

Last year, I attended another inner healing course. More of the hurts were revealed by the Holy Spirit.

I was always scared to travel alone because I didn’t dare to sleep in a hotel room alone. My imagination always made me think that there was a dead body inside the bathtub, and I felt like someone was always looking at me in the mirror. Where do these thoughts come from?

The Holy Spirit is amazing! He revealed in one of the prayer sessions that it was the insecurity that came from a dialogue between my mom and a spiritual master from a temple. Little did I know, I also got healed from the delusions I got when walking down the stairs. Every time I walk down some stairs, in particular closer to the end, the stairs would usually go very blur. It could be three steps but I only usually saw it as one step.

My fear went up whenever I knew I needed to go down some stairs. Interestingly, that also got healed! God is absolutely great!

Because of His great mercy on me, I decided to participate in an outreach ministry in the red light district to share the Gospel. My contribution may be very small, but never underestimate God’s work.

I want to finish my sharing by encouraging you that having a strong community is very important to maintain your spiritual growth. I also want to encourage you to not judge the sisters or brothers-in-Christ when you don’t see their transformation yet.

It takes time. It could be five to ten years. If you judge them, you are judging God’s work.

God is good and patient. God will break you to position you closer to Him. He breaks you to put you in your right place. But when He breaks you, He doesn’t hurt you, He doesn’t destroy you. He does it with understanding, compassion, and grace.