Watch: Katy’s testimony
Katy describes her healing from constant emotional and physical fatigue through a time of prayer and confession before God. The Holy Spirit reminded her of an extended family dispute to which she had attributed a lot of her childhood anxieties and showed her she needed to repent of her judgments of her uncles. As she repented, God gave her a vision of promise and relieved her of her burdens. Praise God! Watch her testimony.
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Video transcript
I felt like there was a dark cloud hovering over me all the time. I thought it was from the years of suffering that I felt tired, emotionally and physically.
Hi, my name is Katy. I grew up in Catholic schools since kindergarten. I have always known that God is The God. Or better to say, God had His eyes on me since I was small – like He does on all of us. I was quite active in serving others, even after I started working. Paying regular visits to an elderly home, hospitals, providing tutoring to special needs kids, etc. were part of my life growing up. With little information and life experience that I had, I thought this God is all about love and doing good things or being a good person.
Everything was good until some life storms hit, with my mom diagnosed and suffering from lung cancer, both of my paternal grandparents passing away, breaking up with my long-time boyfriend, and finally, I lost my job. All that happened within a span of two to three years. In the midst of all these, I started to wonder why this loving God, whom I had known since small, allowed me to suffer so much – does He care?
Am I somehow praying to an airy mysterious deity? Basically, who is this God? God did not leave me in the dark for too long.
He placed a few Christian colleagues around me during that period of time and one of them invited me to her fellowship group. I then subsequently rededicated my life to Jesus after having the understanding that through Jesus, God is Someone whom I can relate to. I can call Him Abba Father and the Holy Spirit is a personal Friend whom I can call upon for help and comfort 24/7. Although the hard times continued, my perspectives changed.
As years went on, somehow, I did not have a lasting joy and peace, even though I had been studying God’s Word and been in a faith community. During this time, I underwent a couple of prayer ministry sessions which had kick-started a new phase of healing of my heart and restoration of hope and peace.
Even so, I was still not joyful. I constantly worried, was anxious, and felt insecure. God’s presence was not certain.
I felt like there was a dark cloud hovering over me all the time. I thought it was from the years of suffering that I felt tired, emotionally and physically.
I was grateful that God did not stop at that point. He continued to pursue me. He would not settle for less and let me enjoy a “second-grade” freedom because His love for us is not second-grade. Through the community around me, I was encouraged to seek the Holy Spirit’s counsel again through another prayer ministry.
As I was preparing for the session, God pointed me to a memory about a family dispute that happened during my teenage years.
My grandpa had funded my dad and uncles to run a business together. Disputes arose after some years of operations and they parted ways on unpleasant terms. It was a little bit like a TV drama.
For a long time, I felt betrayed by my extended family. Growing up, I was taught that “family is supposed to love and help each other.” As a Chinese, family bonding is highly valued. I also associated my family’s financial hardships with the business dispute. And so, the situation became traumatic to me. It consumed my mind and emotions. I even calculated how much I would need to earn after university and dreamt about how to repay dad’s business debts. God knew how much it had affected me. Out of His love, He did not let go but kept pursuing in order to heal me from this wound.
In my teenage mind, I had also started to pass judgements on my uncles involved, each with a charge – deceiving, ruthless, cunning, coward, etc. It has also shaped my worldview.
Since I came to faith in Jesus, I have understood the importance of forgiveness. With the encouragement of my aunt who is also a believer in Jesus, I tried to reconcile with one of my uncles by having dinner with him, in the presence of my grandma. Indeed, that dinner was one important first step in this journey of healing. However, again, God wanted more for me.
During the prayer session, with the help of my prayer counselors, God humbled and enlightened me.
My eyes were opened to see that I did not know the whole situation nor what my uncles were facing. I have no right and was in no position to judge.
I then confessed and repented of my passing judgement on my uncles. I also forgave them for what had happened. As I prayed to undo the judgement I had passed on them, I saw an image of a messy knot of strings becoming untangled into straight lines, each string a different colour, representing one of my uncles. As each colourful string straightened and lined up, it looked like a rainbow, which is a sign of God’s promise, and that brought me assurance and peace.
It has been two years since then till recording this video, and I am here to testify that many blessings came after. On a personal level, I felt a lot lighter, more joyful, am able to appreciate and enjoy myself for who I am, probably because I also do not judge myself now.
On another level, reconciliation has started within the family, though there is a lot still to be done.
God placed a burden on my heart to approach and apologise to one of my cousins whom I have judged a lot in the past. I found out that at the same time, God had been doing great things in his life and my cousin has become one of the best testimonies for my yet-to-believe dad!
God has His eyes on us, not just when we were small, but when we were formed in our mom’s womb. He has a plan and destiny for each one of us. And so, He pursues us and does not settle for less. He is a Father who wants the best for us! Give it time and attention, you will see that His love and works in your life never stop.