Watch: Preston’s testimony
Preston recounts how the Holy Spirit revealed the roots to his drug addiction, depression, and anxiety and helped him build the resolve to walk away from it for good. Praise God!
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Video transcript
The medication prescribed by my psychiatrist managed to relieve my depression and anxiety but they didn’t help me overcome my addiction. The answer to solving my problems is to focus on loving God.
Hi, my name is Preston. I was born and raised in a loving, blessed, and non-religious family.
The first time I went to church was when one of my schoolmates invited me. I enjoyed the experience, especially the live band and the contemporary Christian music that moved my heart. I continued to attend the church and eventually joined the band as pianist and drummer. But to be honest, I only enjoyed playing in the band and didn’t pay much attention to the sermons or church activities. I stopped attending church when I left to study in the United States.
When I was studying music in university in the United States, I developed an addiction to recreational drugs. My schoolmates first introduced marijuana to me as it was common in the music school, and in Miami, Florida, which is known as the drug capital of the United States. At first, I didn’t have any interest in using marijuana to enhance my experience of music because I was already enjoying music so much when I was sober. However, after trying marijuana a few times, I began to enjoy listening to and creating music even more. I was later introduced to ecstasy and cocaine which enhanced my experiences of creating music as well as social gatherings such as parties, discos, concerts, and music festivals.
Recreational drugs might be fun but they come with inescapable negative consequences.
Drugs release rapid and large amounts of the neurotransmitters responsible for the feelings of pleasure and happiness into the brain. These massive doses minimise our ability to obtain pleasure and happiness from smaller, healthier sources. As a result, this leads to depression and anxiety in normal circumstances.
I have been suffering from depression and anxiety for more than 20 years, since graduation from university. I’ve also been experiencing the shame, guilt, and regret that came with my addiction. At one point, my anxiety and depression were so severe that I couldn’t function, both mentally and physically. I experienced panic attacks as well as difficulty playing the piano, teaching music, understanding things, processing thoughts, solving problems, expressing myself with words, and making decisions.
As a result, I had suicidal thoughts to escape my unbearable pain, frustration, and worry that I might not recover.
Throughout the years, I have received help from my very supportive family, psychologists, and psychiatrists. The medication prescribed by my psychiatrist managed to relieve my depression and anxiety but they didn’t help me overcome my addiction.
One day, I watched a movie called ‘Son of God’ on a flight during my travels. The movie got me thinking about the Jesus story I heard when I attended church during my early teenage years. I began conducting research on the history of Christianity on YouTube and one Sunday, I decided to join my cousins in attending church. To my surprise, the sermon was exactly what I needed to hear.
Throughout the following week, I felt God was talking to me, so my cousins encouraged me to talk back to God.
I continued to pray on a regular basis but it wasn’t until an incident that I became convinced that God was interacting with me.
One time, I was so fed up with my addiction, I threw away a bag of cocaine into a rubbish bin at home. A few hours later, my cravings returned so I dug into the rubbish bin to look for the bag. I couldn’t find it so I got frustrated and searched again. I still couldn’t find it, so I emptied out all the contents of the bin and went through each item but still couldn’t find it. At that point, I knew it was a sign from God that He was helping me with my addiction.
I’ve tried many times to overcome my addiction but never found a way out until Jesus rescued me from a drug overdose incident which almost ended my life. There were moments I thought I was not going to survive, so I prayed to God “I need help. Please help me. Whatever happens, happens, so I leave it to you.” I eventually recovered to the point I was no longer in a life threatening position.
Without a shadow of a doubt, I knew God saved my life and I was moved to tears while I thanked Him.
After that incident, I knew I needed to do something drastic to change my life. My psychiatrist, a devout Christian, told me that the only way to save my life was to attend a gospel-based drug rehab centre. I didn’t have much resistance to his advice because I knew I had only two choices: death or rehab. I then spent a year living in a Christian drug rehab centre, in which the process of change in my life as a new believer began.
At first, it was very difficult to accept the fact that I had to put a pause to my life for a whole year. In fact, the ‘letting go’ process was more difficult than dealing with the addiction itself.
After a few months into the rehab program, I began to see why God decided to put me there.
I had plenty of time and peace to reflect on my past, further develop my faith and relationship with God, realise how much I have hurt my family, while learning to repair the damage as much as possible. Most people think I must have had a very difficult time in rehab but the truth is I felt very peaceful during my stay there.
Looking back, Jesus was my only hope and way out. According to my psychiatrist who is a top specialist in drug addiction, ninety percent of drug addicts that managed to overcome their addiction did so as a result of following Jesus. Jesus said (8:34-8:40) “I am the way, the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” – John 14:6
Later, I joined a discipleship course that covers the foundation of walking with God through the Holy Spirit, understanding our own thoughts and emotions, how to obey God over our fleshly desires, as well as the need for inner healing and deliverance through Jesus. The course and Holy Spirit led prayers have helped me to know and experience more of the Holy Spirit, which I find to be the most exciting, interesting, and helpful part of my Christian journey so far.
The Holy Spirit interacts directly with my mind on a very intimate and personal level by providing guidance, wisdom, knowledge, revelations and convictions.
I can ask Him questions and He can provide truthful answers by placing effortless thoughts in my mind. He can even reveal answers to questions that I can’t answer using my own wisdom and knowledge, no matter how hard I keep trying, like a hamster running on a wheel without going anywhere. The Holy Spirit also gives me the power to resist my urges and temptations to follow my sinful nature.
As a result, I am constantly being purified and transformed, step by step, into the person God wants me to become, in order to serve His kingdom. This process is called sanctification.
The key to overcoming my addiction is not to stay away from drugs until my cravings and temptations are gone.
Instead, I need to find out the root cause of my addiction. I used to believe that the reason I began using drugs was just to have fun and enjoy myself.
After developing a relationship with the Holy Spirit, He revealed to me that the root cause is related to my upbringing and the way my father expressed his love for me, which caused a negative impact. However, I’ll never blame my dad because I understand his experience of a difficult upbringing which caused him to express his love in harmful ways.
He would use emotional suppression to deal with our conflicts by telling me not to talk but to listen to him, because children have limited knowledge while adults have more. He taught me that children are meant to be seen but not heard. He would also easily get angry at me, sometimes for things that I was not responsible for.
As a result, I developed a habit of turning to sin by using drugs, to suppress my frustration while trying to find the love I didn’t feel from my father.
I also developed a habit of using drugs to suppress and escape any kind of frustration or pain I felt later on in life. Drugs only offer artificial happiness while Jesus offers true happiness inside on a level that can’t be experienced from this world.
The inner healing and deliverance prayer helped me let out my frustration, forgive, and bless my father, and command the evil spirits attached to my bitterness to go away and never come back. I renounced my drug addiction, commanded the evil spirits attached to the addiction to leave, and asked Jesus to transform me so I no longer feel the need to turn to drugs. When I’m filled with the kind of peace and joy and love only Jesus can provide, I no longer have a desire to abuse drugs.
I felt fifty pounds lighter after that prayer because the negative emotions deep inside me that I wasn’t even aware of were released.
My relationship with Jesus has become so much more intimate after completing the course and inner healing and deliverance. My perspective on everything in life has changed because of Jesus. Therefore, the saying that Jesus changes everything is absolutely true.
I have learned the importance of letting go of control in order to have an intimate relationship with Jesus. In other words, humbling and denying myself, making Jesus my Lord. The reason to let go is to create space for the Holy Spirit to do His work. If my mind is busy trying to work things out on my own or if I am busy living in sin, I won’t be able to hear from the Holy Spirit or allow Him to transform me. The answer to solving my problems is not to focus on them but instead to focus on loving God.
Sometimes, I might not understand why I go through certain things.
What may seem like a disappointment to me means something entirely different from the Lord’s perspective because He’s the One who ordains my steps and knows the beginning and end of my life. So no matter the circumstance, pain, or the grief I might go through, I will choose to trust in God and in Him alone.
I used to have much regret about the mistakes and wrong decisions I have made in the past, but God has used them as well as my suffering to create amazing things.
I used to think freedom is the ability to do whatever I want, including the ‘fun’ things that got me into trouble. But after encountering Jesus, I have learned freedom is the ability to be freed from sin, so I am no longer a slave to sin.
Looking back, if I had the choice of the freedom to do whatever I want or the freedom Christ has given me, I would choose the freedom Christ has given me because it is more profound and has no limits.
I used to believe suffering is bad, unfair, and must be avoided but after experiencing God’s love, I’ve learned suffering makes us stronger, better people, and closer to God. Those who have suffered will not only truly appreciate the things we often take for granted, but also have the experience and knowledge to help others in need.
God allows suffering in order to create good things, teach us lessons, strengthen our faith while making happiness more profound.
In other words, our darkest and most painful experiences are in fact, blessings in disguise.
I’ve learned that being a true Christian is not just about going to church or practising what the Bible teaches, it’s also about having a genuine relationship with God through the Holy Spirit. Without the relationship, the rest becomes lifeless or academic.
It’s not uncommon for a non-believer to think that Christianity focuses on teaching us to do good things. The focus is actually on the relationship with God. Christians do good things as a result of loving God. Christianity is not an understanding but rather an experience. It’s not measured by common sense or intelligence, but faith.
I don’t feel I am more intelligent than others because I am a Bible believer, but I do feel I have a relationship with God so strong that I believe the Bible to be true.
I can say that experiencing God is the best thing that has ever happened in my life. I’ve finally found purpose in my life.
I know God saved my life so I can share the good news about Jesus, helping others in need, particularly those suffering from drug addiction and mental illness.
In closing, I would like to encourage anyone facing difficulties that may seem impossible to overcome to seek God with an open heart and mind. And once you’ve experienced His amazing grace and unconditional love, you’ll realise that overcoming your difficulties is only a very small part of all the amazing things God has prepared for His children and those who love Him!